27-03-2015, 02:28 AM
Bryony, I understand the point you are making, but I don't see the point of using a moral argument to solve the problem. Forcing a transgender to live with his/her gender dysphoria as punishment for past deception is not constructive. I have a different perspective.
But in support of your views, I do encourage my single trans friends to come clean before they progress too far in a relationship. But with transgenderism so stigmatizing in today's culture, divulging one's trans nature early will almost always kill the relationship before it takes root. And there's also the risk of being outed by an angry or bigoted date. All too often, however, the admission never happens, and often for the best of intentions.
Whether a spouse can tolerate the mental distress of gender dysphoria for the sake of his mate's happiness, is a matter that cannot be seen in such black and white terms. Guilt and shame are already part of the burden that closeted transgenders bear. Moral condemnation only makes that burden worse.
Yes, there are those who can deal with GD without having to transition their gender. I know dozens of cross dressers who identify as male and have no desire to become female. The need for feminine expression is satisfied by occasional dressing en femme. For others, like you, the physiological causes of GD can be lessened by adjusting hormone levels which makes the condition manageable. And then there are the rest of us who must transition because we are female internally and cannot pretend otherwise.
I've run into people who minimize the transgender condition as a lifestyle choice or a sexual fetish. That's not the way it is. The reason we find ourselves transitioning late in life after years of struggling to fit into the cisworld is because being trans has long been, and still is, unacceptable to most people. The responsibility for trans marriages breaking up has to be borne by society as a whole for demanding that the binary gender model be followed or be damned.
Being transgender is not a choice, it's not a mental disorder, and it's not to be used as justification for laying blame on those who are the victims of an ignorant and intolerant populace.
Clara
But in support of your views, I do encourage my single trans friends to come clean before they progress too far in a relationship. But with transgenderism so stigmatizing in today's culture, divulging one's trans nature early will almost always kill the relationship before it takes root. And there's also the risk of being outed by an angry or bigoted date. All too often, however, the admission never happens, and often for the best of intentions.
Whether a spouse can tolerate the mental distress of gender dysphoria for the sake of his mate's happiness, is a matter that cannot be seen in such black and white terms. Guilt and shame are already part of the burden that closeted transgenders bear. Moral condemnation only makes that burden worse.
Yes, there are those who can deal with GD without having to transition their gender. I know dozens of cross dressers who identify as male and have no desire to become female. The need for feminine expression is satisfied by occasional dressing en femme. For others, like you, the physiological causes of GD can be lessened by adjusting hormone levels which makes the condition manageable. And then there are the rest of us who must transition because we are female internally and cannot pretend otherwise.
I've run into people who minimize the transgender condition as a lifestyle choice or a sexual fetish. That's not the way it is. The reason we find ourselves transitioning late in life after years of struggling to fit into the cisworld is because being trans has long been, and still is, unacceptable to most people. The responsibility for trans marriages breaking up has to be borne by society as a whole for demanding that the binary gender model be followed or be damned.
Being transgender is not a choice, it's not a mental disorder, and it's not to be used as justification for laying blame on those who are the victims of an ignorant and intolerant populace.
Clara