27-03-2015, 06:26 AM
(This post was last modified: 27-03-2015, 12:52 PM by CalmlyAndrogynous.)
This whole thing is really a can of worms. There are so many factors involved and if I overlay my own situation on to it, I can see no win-win scenarios.
It depends so much on the couple, where they are in their relationship and so many other factors. There are times when you have to suppress things, when you have to convince yourself that there is an alternate truth that must be applied in order to preserve your partner's state of being.
I have both suppressed some things my partner won't like and been honest about others and they both have consequences.
When you cook a meal for your spouse, the nicest pieces of meat, the best cooked veggies etc go to them right. You give yourself the pieces that were slightly burned, that broke because they stuck to the bottom of the frypan.
Putting your wife first when you can live with the consequences, is something you have to do from time to time.
There may come a time though when the consequences of suppressing outweigh the consequences of revealing. Most spouses would prefer coming out as TG over suicide. (I am cynical enough to think that not all would.)
I totally agree with Bryony that marriage is a commitment to another person and a decision as significant as TG has to involve both parties. A fait accompli is no way to handle it. I would not/could not do that to my wife.
I also agree with Clara that there is a societal issue here where gender is too binary and the concept of a continuum is gaining, but not well accepted. For those who rely on the societal framework and knowing their place in it for their wellbeing, I can understand why the author is distressed.
It depends so much on the couple, where they are in their relationship and so many other factors. There are times when you have to suppress things, when you have to convince yourself that there is an alternate truth that must be applied in order to preserve your partner's state of being.
I have both suppressed some things my partner won't like and been honest about others and they both have consequences.
When you cook a meal for your spouse, the nicest pieces of meat, the best cooked veggies etc go to them right. You give yourself the pieces that were slightly burned, that broke because they stuck to the bottom of the frypan.
Putting your wife first when you can live with the consequences, is something you have to do from time to time.
There may come a time though when the consequences of suppressing outweigh the consequences of revealing. Most spouses would prefer coming out as TG over suicide. (I am cynical enough to think that not all would.)
I totally agree with Bryony that marriage is a commitment to another person and a decision as significant as TG has to involve both parties. A fait accompli is no way to handle it. I would not/could not do that to my wife.
I also agree with Clara that there is a societal issue here where gender is too binary and the concept of a continuum is gaining, but not well accepted. For those who rely on the societal framework and knowing their place in it for their wellbeing, I can understand why the author is distressed.