28-04-2015, 09:43 PM
I think the part you are missing is it isn't a 'selfish' desire at all. It's a desire to be WHO YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN from the get go. People like you who haven't suffered from this issue don't and honestly can't understand the depths of pain it causes people like me and that isn't your fault at all so please don't think I am blaming you for that but instead.. let me explain....
ALL my life I have been miserable. Unhappy. Angry. Because I knew I wasn't right. That who I had to pretend to be, wasn't who I was. And you know what happened love? I took that out on people around me. Since coming to terms with MYSELF and accepting MYSELF and taking the medical steps to BE myself... I am for the first time in my entire 50 years of life... happy. Truly, unconditionally happy.
I know that you can't understand where I am coming from, and because you can't... you see what I am doing as something selfish.. in some ways you are right.. I AM being selfish in taking care of MY NEEDS for the first time in my life.. to become happy within myself. There is a side effect of this though love... The people around me are all asking me what has changed in my life. why am I so much nicer, happier, friendlier. My answer is simple. I am free.
Telling someone they should be miserable just to make their spouse happy is cruel. Perhaps the spouse didn't go into things expecting something like this, but if they truly LOVED their spouse they would see that making such a huge and drastic life change isn't something done on a whim and it isn't done for spurious reasons, it's done because it's the only way we can truly be happy with ourselves.
I hope you never have to face a situation where your level of internal misery is so severe that death seems a very viable option to you as it had become for me. Had I not finally accepted what I had been running from all my life and started taking the steps that I needed to take to be happy within myself... I would very likely not be here today to write this to you.
I don't know if I have helped you see why for some people this is most def not a 'selfish' desire but rather a case of choosing life, over death, but I hope you have a glimmer of why this is so.
~E
ALL my life I have been miserable. Unhappy. Angry. Because I knew I wasn't right. That who I had to pretend to be, wasn't who I was. And you know what happened love? I took that out on people around me. Since coming to terms with MYSELF and accepting MYSELF and taking the medical steps to BE myself... I am for the first time in my entire 50 years of life... happy. Truly, unconditionally happy.
I know that you can't understand where I am coming from, and because you can't... you see what I am doing as something selfish.. in some ways you are right.. I AM being selfish in taking care of MY NEEDS for the first time in my life.. to become happy within myself. There is a side effect of this though love... The people around me are all asking me what has changed in my life. why am I so much nicer, happier, friendlier. My answer is simple. I am free.
Telling someone they should be miserable just to make their spouse happy is cruel. Perhaps the spouse didn't go into things expecting something like this, but if they truly LOVED their spouse they would see that making such a huge and drastic life change isn't something done on a whim and it isn't done for spurious reasons, it's done because it's the only way we can truly be happy with ourselves.
I hope you never have to face a situation where your level of internal misery is so severe that death seems a very viable option to you as it had become for me. Had I not finally accepted what I had been running from all my life and started taking the steps that I needed to take to be happy within myself... I would very likely not be here today to write this to you.
I don't know if I have helped you see why for some people this is most def not a 'selfish' desire but rather a case of choosing life, over death, but I hope you have a glimmer of why this is so.
~E