[sfem]

Our wives have it VERY hard, possibly as hard as we have it. So you have to consider their side too. For example, say you had no desire to do what you do, and stayed the 'alpha' male like I did for so long, then one day, your wife comes to you and says, 'I wish to grow hair all over my body like a man, wear guys clothing.

Hmm. Not all men are hairy all over, nor are all women completely hairless. Just about all women everywhere wear men's clothes all the time. The definitions of what is men's clothing and what is women's is so completely a temporally specific societal fabrication, that it is pretty much irrelevant to the topic of sexual preference and gender identity. At best, these things have some bearing on sexual gratification and gender expression. I do take it you were looking for a way to say "you wouldn't like it if your wife did it to you". But just like the Amy Schumer (sp?) interview with the trans porn star, thoroughly mixing these things and confusing them just feeds the kind of phobias that stand in the way of any real progress on these issues.

To the OP:
It sounds like both you and your wife are struggling to find your way through a very difficult transition in your already rather damaged relationship. I feel for you both, but cannot offer anything useful because I only have one side of the story, and certainly do not have anywhere near enough context or knowledge of you or your friends to predict the value of my comments.
I will say that her talking to people, outside of your relationship and without your knowledge, who were not professional counselors may have been what she felt she needed to make herself feel vindicated in her chosen role. But it was highly destructive to an already shaky relationship. Your side of the story sounds to me like she gave up on your marriage long ago. I have nothing to say about the "she might be a lesbian" thing, it sounds rather jumbled even in your telling of it.

Sorry if that is the case. Good luck with wherever this ends up going. It sounds like a pretty tenuous partnership at this point.


TP, take your "selfish, unnecessary thing you wish to put first" and put it back in your mirror where you found it. You presuming others are like you, doesn't mean they are.