[CalmlyAndrogynous]

I wish I had some insight I could give you, but this is not a simple situation. We can be great at deceiving people sometimes, especially ourselves.

It may be your wife is still working through things herself. We don't always understand ourselves until we explore things and talk them out.

I do suggest that you get a psychologist of your own to talk to and discuss things with. For me, it is one hour a month when I can dump, explore things in a guided way, analyse, and find ways forward. I always leave the sessions emotionally exhausted, but it helps me get through the rest of the month.

Remember, your psych is your advocate to some degree. They have a duty of care to you and not your wife and vice versa for her psych. They are not impartial.

Under those terms, my psych did offer tandem session with my wife and her psych so we could work through some things with support for both of us. That may be an avenue for you.

Oh, and not all psychologists are the same. Be prepared to try a few before you find one you can work with.

Best wishes to you both. I hope you work things out.