[ElainMoria]

Elain,
That is a scary story. OMG, I'm so glad you are alright. I know you will be more careful in the future.
Hugs,

Clara

It was very close Clara. I wasn't breathing on my own when they found me so they had to intubate me for 3 days. I was in an OD caused coma for those three days as well, my brain suffered some swelling and I am still being effected by that (memory issues, difficulty walking, vision issues etc), I developed hospital acquired pneumonia which I am also still fighting.

My doctors told me that had another 5 minutes gone by before help got to me, there wouldn't have been anything they could have done to bring me back and by all rights I really should be dead due to the quantity of medications I took.

Being bi-polar my manic phases are usually the part of my cycles that are the most dangerous for me. My depressive phases I have always managed to trudge through. This one though, was so heavy and so deep I didn't even think of anything else other than killing myself when I woke up already deep into it. I am absolutely convinced this was caused in part by my hormones crashing due to the spiro and triggering a depressive phase and because my hormones were in imbalance, the combination made it much worse, nearly costing me my life.

Add into that, that I had no friends, no family, no local support of any kind and I was lucky to have survived at all. I am now living in Spokane with my family and I have gotten in touch with and joined up with a local trans support group (first meeting yesterday, really awesome people), i've got leads on a medical group up here that deals with trans medical issues as well as the psychiatric/psychological/counseling.

But yeah.. I am convinced that HRT if it didn't actually trigger my depressive phase.. made the one I had significantly worse.. so now I am letting people know what could happen.

BTW... I have never tried to kill myself in a depressive phase before, though I have tried to get police to shoot me in a manic phase (many many years ago.. and that event was what got me diagnosed as bi-polar... nothing like it has happened since). So yeah.... I really do believe HRT had a magnifying effect on this one.

~Elain