[MissC]

I think we have to be very careful about accusing people of deception and malintent for entering into a marriage not informing their partner of gender issues which years ago were not even spoken of.

No one has accused anyone of malicious intent in deceiving their spouse. You're tilting at a straw windmill.

Lying, deception, omission; yes. But not malicious intent. It's very bad behavior, but without motive.

It's the behavior I call out. When there is relationship conflict, this needs to be understood, and admitted to.

Just using you as an example (since I've never been married), say you didn't really know the depths of your soul back when you got married. Say you didn't choose to deceive her, but now you've dumped this thing in her lap and she's upset.

Your history then of having not been honest with your wife becomes clear, and it's clearly what we would call bad behavior, no? It's forgivable, and you didn't mean to, but it's still pretty damn bad.

That's the part some of you aren't copping to.

And look, I do know a thing or two about bad behavior. It takes one to know one, as they say... and I also know full well that all kinds of things cause people to behave badly without meaning to -- such as childhood trauma.

I'm just saying, get it out in the open, and quit trying to make excuses and deny stuff. I mean, I can blame my parents for my er... issues... but in the end, the only one with the responsibility to fix them is... me.

Me, I've still got plenty of baggage to sort through. I found it got easier, though, when I quit lying to myself.