[dcdee]

I love this thread and the thoughtful insight Julie brings to the table. I find that is rings so true, as a forum jumper myself. I think I have found a home in that the discussions hear seem to be more relevant to what is going on in my life.

Having been on E, I can a test that there is definitely a shift in mental attitude that made me want to jump the fence. There was also a swing in my libido and sexuality. My desire to be functional as a man evaporated with my functionality, and my desire to please men in an intimate manner took on a life of its own. (Was it there before, is a discussion for another time)

Being off E and on BO for 4 months has seen an awakening of my boy bits and an increased in a desire to perform my husbandly duties. But I am conflicted. I deeply desire to have a feminine form. I love my wife dearly, but my confusion comes in how. Do I love her as a husband or a sister? Both can be unbreakable bonds and each has its own type of intimacy. Again topics for another thread

I am truly on the fence or near it. Part of me wants to jump over and roll in the green grass that I see on the other side. But part of me is comfortable in my life, but frustrated in wondering if the fantasy of what is on the other side of the will meet the reality if i do jump to the other side.

I know one thing for sure, I need to have a feminine body. Lack of muscle tome, smooth skin, long hair and of course BREASTS. I am doing what I need to do to get it. But as I close in on the fence (again) I have to ask myself, do I want to jump it?

I know what the answer is, and it scares the shit out of me.

Thank you for reading my rambling