22-01-2016, 09:06 PM
Getting to the topic...
I'm not sure where I fit.
I'm just "me." As horrifying as that can be.
I grew up feminine, mostly, and I wonder about that (hence the Return of Kings article linked above.) I grew up among women mostly, and found boys to be generally harsh, nasty, and unpleasant. I don't know, maybe it was the time and place; maybe much more abuse than we know?
What I recognize is, I grew to dislike my father, and was somewhat controlled by my mother.
This means I learned to relate as a female, essentially, and dad being absent so much didn't help any. Dad also had a pretty rough time growing up; maybe it got passed on, too?
The identification with the feminine made me a target growing up, too. Raise your hand if you were beaten, kicked, slapped, spit on as a child at school? Daily? And assaulted? Ruptured testicle...? Parents didn't/wouldn't listen, and you weren't ALLOWED to defend yourself...? (Dad was free with his hands, i.e., corporal punishment out of nowhere.)
And then you find out as an adult that his biggest complaint about you is, you got too far from home, and too far from parental influence, and you've turned out a disaster (disappointment) because you weren't hit enough? (Including by teachers.)
I don't know where I fit in, or even what I am sometimes. Masculine, Feminine, I know what I like and want - and Masculine isn't it, except I MUST be strong enough to not EVER be attacked again.
The long list of issues is because I know of someone who was mis-diagnosed as transsexual, and is now transitioned - but not too happy with that, now that the other issues have come to light.
I love the idea of being a shemale, word used intentionally for clarity. As I get older, though, and more masculine, it's more and more impossible to even get lean - let alone svelte or feminine. And I wouldn't pass for "buxom" because, no waist. No hips. I keep working, but... Going the wrong way.
Yet even without supplements at this time, I feel my nipples twinge... Feel what might be growth. Love having them. Wish I had someone who would suckle on them (the girlfriend won't.)
And any more, with a TMI warning for the following.... I'm not thinking "male". Not interested in "second best" female, but not really interested in the Manly side of things. While some of that is DEFINITELY partner (I know things work), and she needs to lose a good 140 pounds plus a ton of attitude, I fantasize about walking into "my harem" of sex slaves, taking them to bed, and... Cuddling and caressing until I fall asleep. No sex in the fantasies.
So, what does that make me...? I'm guessing more feminine than masculine, but I'm genetically stuck on this (male) side of the fence - so, "penis girl" is close enough, maybe.
(Because THAT is how things SHOULD be, Gurl-on-girl sex for a few hours, and orgasms and cuddling both on the menu.) :-D
I'm not sure where I fit.
I'm just "me." As horrifying as that can be.
I grew up feminine, mostly, and I wonder about that (hence the Return of Kings article linked above.) I grew up among women mostly, and found boys to be generally harsh, nasty, and unpleasant. I don't know, maybe it was the time and place; maybe much more abuse than we know?
What I recognize is, I grew to dislike my father, and was somewhat controlled by my mother.
This means I learned to relate as a female, essentially, and dad being absent so much didn't help any. Dad also had a pretty rough time growing up; maybe it got passed on, too?
The identification with the feminine made me a target growing up, too. Raise your hand if you were beaten, kicked, slapped, spit on as a child at school? Daily? And assaulted? Ruptured testicle...? Parents didn't/wouldn't listen, and you weren't ALLOWED to defend yourself...? (Dad was free with his hands, i.e., corporal punishment out of nowhere.)
And then you find out as an adult that his biggest complaint about you is, you got too far from home, and too far from parental influence, and you've turned out a disaster (disappointment) because you weren't hit enough? (Including by teachers.)
I don't know where I fit in, or even what I am sometimes. Masculine, Feminine, I know what I like and want - and Masculine isn't it, except I MUST be strong enough to not EVER be attacked again.
The long list of issues is because I know of someone who was mis-diagnosed as transsexual, and is now transitioned - but not too happy with that, now that the other issues have come to light.
I love the idea of being a shemale, word used intentionally for clarity. As I get older, though, and more masculine, it's more and more impossible to even get lean - let alone svelte or feminine. And I wouldn't pass for "buxom" because, no waist. No hips. I keep working, but... Going the wrong way.
Yet even without supplements at this time, I feel my nipples twinge... Feel what might be growth. Love having them. Wish I had someone who would suckle on them (the girlfriend won't.)
And any more, with a TMI warning for the following.... I'm not thinking "male". Not interested in "second best" female, but not really interested in the Manly side of things. While some of that is DEFINITELY partner (I know things work), and she needs to lose a good 140 pounds plus a ton of attitude, I fantasize about walking into "my harem" of sex slaves, taking them to bed, and... Cuddling and caressing until I fall asleep. No sex in the fantasies.
So, what does that make me...? I'm guessing more feminine than masculine, but I'm genetically stuck on this (male) side of the fence - so, "penis girl" is close enough, maybe.
(Because THAT is how things SHOULD be, Gurl-on-girl sex for a few hours, and orgasms and cuddling both on the menu.) :-D