13-02-2016, 07:46 PM
You know even the loniest of loners needs someone to share with every now and then. I was an only child. Growing up, I only had four friends, and three of them were brothers. None of them really cared about me. See to them, I was just a way to play some extra video games. Or score some cards. Emotionally though, I was alone. It's made it hard to form friendships. It's caused me to shun them. Avoid them. And now here I am, twenty six, and I really only have three people aside from my girlfriend that I ever talk to. And it's sparse, sparse, talk. It's worked for the most part.
It's lead me to gravitate to solitary actives over the years. Writing, drawing, gaming, you know... but you know what? I've never been able to shake feeling lonely. King of the introverts, right? Groomed for it from birth. I should be used to it by now. But I'm not. I'm starting to think there's no avoiding it. It's just something that's hardwired deep down in our social brainstems. A need to share. Connect. Just be heard out by someone. Witnessed for what we are, good or bad.
Fixing it's tough. I mean I've got three friends. Clearly I'm no champion. I'll make up a million excuses as to why I can't. That I'm not a good enough writer. That I need to lose some weight. Offer more. Be better. There's always something. I try to shove the need back down my throat, and bury it under excuses, but it's like holding a balloon underwater. The damn thing just won't stay down.
From what it sounds like to me, you're crossdressing doesn't have to get in the way. You say you do it for yourself? Well good, I think you should. But that shouldn't stop your own natural need to connect. I don't think anything can. After all, your crossdressing is who you are. Just like being a loner is who you are. Nothing wrong with that. But still needing someone doesn't create a dichotomy with that. If anything, I think it'll take the edge off being alone if you find someone to spend just a little of your time with. Everyone needs someone else every once in a while. Even a really loney loner.
It's lead me to gravitate to solitary actives over the years. Writing, drawing, gaming, you know... but you know what? I've never been able to shake feeling lonely. King of the introverts, right? Groomed for it from birth. I should be used to it by now. But I'm not. I'm starting to think there's no avoiding it. It's just something that's hardwired deep down in our social brainstems. A need to share. Connect. Just be heard out by someone. Witnessed for what we are, good or bad.
Fixing it's tough. I mean I've got three friends. Clearly I'm no champion. I'll make up a million excuses as to why I can't. That I'm not a good enough writer. That I need to lose some weight. Offer more. Be better. There's always something. I try to shove the need back down my throat, and bury it under excuses, but it's like holding a balloon underwater. The damn thing just won't stay down.
From what it sounds like to me, you're crossdressing doesn't have to get in the way. You say you do it for yourself? Well good, I think you should. But that shouldn't stop your own natural need to connect. I don't think anything can. After all, your crossdressing is who you are. Just like being a loner is who you are. Nothing wrong with that. But still needing someone doesn't create a dichotomy with that. If anything, I think it'll take the edge off being alone if you find someone to spend just a little of your time with. Everyone needs someone else every once in a while. Even a really loney loner.