[Happyme]

Sophia!
Your not alone with your feelings and your troubles for sure.
Just a couple of things:

Have you taken the SAGE test or one of the other gender tests?
For me this was a life saver, It told me that I need both male and female parts in my life to make me happy, and it has been very true. And a grat relief that Bob and Bobbi can live happily ever after in the same body.

It might be a good time to look for a gender therapist and have a chat about whats going on. And then get your wife to go.
Unfortunately This is not a condition that will ever go away. Be it crosdressing, or Transexual, its here to stay, so it must be dealt with.

You need a friend to talk with and we are all here to support you, however the friend you really need is your wife. Once she is on board or at least understands then there is a great load released. Trust me on that one.
Lastly you said in your post:
"I understand her, I know her inside and out. Because that's what I do. I observe and learn. I'm pretty good and picking things apart, it's probably what makes me pretty good at my job. But after all these years, she still hasn't bothered to learn me."

So use those skills that your good at and pick yourself apart. Its not as easy as it sounds, but give it a shot,
Lots of Hugs
Bobbi

(((((((((((((((((((((((Sophia)))))))))))))))))))))))