[Sofia Bunny]

Fire,

I'm really sorry you got a bad reaction, but it's pretty common, unfortunately. There is no way for anyone to advise you, because each of us is different and every wife/gf is different, so all we can do is offer our support and understanding.
I'm tempted to say sit down and talk to her calmly, but until you know what you want for yourself, that approach could make things worse. So bottom line is you need to decide where you want YOUR life to go before anything else. One thing is sure, now the genie is out of the bottle you can never get her back in permanently ( maybe for short periods, but thats all), so whatever you decide will have to work with that.

Thank you Pansy-Mae, I was hoping a bit of sleep was going to help, while I don't feel nearly as bad as last night, I couldn't sleep worth a darn. Oh well, I guess with so much on my mind it was bound to happen.

What I want is to be whole, to be complete. As I get older, I tire of this facade of me. I have catered to everyone else's feelings but my own. I put too much thought and emphasis of what someone else might think, or how someone else might react, that I do my best to blend in with my surroundings, and the people I am with. I am but a chameleon blending in, so as not to stick out and risk getting hurt.

I've never felt so close to that realization of wholeness, yet seem so far away. It's just tearing me apart, and I am unsure how to proceed. How much am I willing to risk losing just to obtain some semblance of balance, inner peace and normalcy.

I heard this song last night, and it fit my mood perfectly.

Linkin Park - In The End