[Sofia Bunny]

.... So I know that breaking things in little by little and allowing for her to adjust and accept, things will be somewhat okay. Sure, she won't be pleased with my choices, but little by little may somewhat accept the change. Perhaps I am pushing to much too quickly. I just need to tap into my patience and accept that perhaps in time all will be okay.

Not to bust your chops, but wearing her down bit by bit sounds just as disingenuous as pushing her buttons.
I've certainly had the same thoughts, and used that method, at least unconciously... I think what sucks about it is that you are committed to lie, if necessary, to protect your true goal, becausing "minimizing" is sort of required, to get each step closer to what you really want.
Part of it, of course, is that we do that alot to ourselves... we fear, and yet are mesmerized by, a possibility that is truly within our grasp, so we wear ourselves down and take little steps, to bring ourselves closer to something we're barely sharing with ourselves.
Good and bad, we have to face the change we've brought on ourselves and those in our lives.

Doesn't mean there aren't paths where you both end up happy... maybe even happy with each other.

If you truly feel about her in a manner reflected by your post, and she reflective of what you described in her, you may want to consider therapy... but it kinda feels like that barn is already empty.
It may be that she can be talked into "acceptance", but is that all you want? Is that going to make her happy?

If what you want is a healthy committed relationship with someone who completely accepts and embraces who you are and may become, and you want her to be that person, then you could do a lot worse than tell her just that... then you can both figure out what's next together. If she rejects that, then you have an answer -sorry

BTW: I don't fault or judge you, or her... I'm certainly no angel and definitely feel for the both of you. I'm still trying to find my own answers to the above, but I know I'm very lucky in my spouse. She's been great, but won't let me BS my way through. I would certainly benefit much from listening to my own words.

-j

Yes, I love my wife, and accept her for who she is, and all her faults and flaws. As I mentioned, I know her very well, possibly better than she knows herself. And as disingenuous as it may appear, I know right now, she cannot handle it. I have to reveal everything in chapters like a book, instead of exposing everything at once like in a movie scene. Too much too quickly quick potentially be VERY disastrous. I know what would make her happy, to make her happy would mean my unhappiness, but she would be happy. We may each have to give and take a little bit in order to find that middle ground where we will both be happy. It's not going to be easy, but I believe it to be doable. It is just going to take time. Thank you Jami very much for your thoughts and insight on all of this, I appreciate it very much!