11-07-2016, 12:19 AM
Depression is like dysphoria in many ways, meaning that it has dozens of different variations.
My dysphoria mainly confined itself to giving me nearly endless headaches. Two to three times a day, lasting four to six hours apiece, from the day I hit puberty until last June. I'm 33. There was always a secondary feeling that something was wrong with me, but I chalked that up to obesity for a long time.
Traveling along for the ride with my headaches was suicide. I never CONSCIOUSLY attempted it, but the thoughts of how I could end the pain were so frequent they became white noise. I barely noticed them after twenty years until they stopped about five weeks after I started spironolactone.
Testosterone was literally making me want to kill myself so much that I didn't even consider it remarkable to have a thought anymore until they stopped and I realized how quiet my mind had gotten in five weeks.
June fifth was my spironolactone anniversary. This week is the anniversary of my last NEW suicidal thought.
Depression isn't just an old friend of mine, she's practically my left leg. I literally have no idea where I'd be now if I had come out back in the 90s and gotten treatment as a teen.
My dysphoria mainly confined itself to giving me nearly endless headaches. Two to three times a day, lasting four to six hours apiece, from the day I hit puberty until last June. I'm 33. There was always a secondary feeling that something was wrong with me, but I chalked that up to obesity for a long time.
Traveling along for the ride with my headaches was suicide. I never CONSCIOUSLY attempted it, but the thoughts of how I could end the pain were so frequent they became white noise. I barely noticed them after twenty years until they stopped about five weeks after I started spironolactone.
Testosterone was literally making me want to kill myself so much that I didn't even consider it remarkable to have a thought anymore until they stopped and I realized how quiet my mind had gotten in five weeks.
June fifth was my spironolactone anniversary. This week is the anniversary of my last NEW suicidal thought.
Depression isn't just an old friend of mine, she's practically my left leg. I literally have no idea where I'd be now if I had come out back in the 90s and gotten treatment as a teen.