28-09-2016, 04:57 PM
Thank you everyone for your kind responses. Honestly, this was the hardest thing for me to do, write about what had happened. I figured I was signing my own death certificate and expected the worst. I thought for sure I would be ridiculed, ostracized, or blamed further than I've already blamed myself. I had been working on getting this out since Sunday, but it was very difficult to focus on this. How does one sit down and write about an adventure that took a dark and scary detour. Especially when you feel that you're the one to blame. If I hadn't done this, or said that, or did this differently, maybe things would have turned out differently? 
A world of what if's and possibilities that will never truly be known.
Looking back little things keep popping back into my head. For instance, for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why the hell the alcohol hit me so hard. I know I rarely drink, maybe the 3rd time this year, but my tolerance for alcohol when I have drank is pretty damn high. 5-7 drinks, several shots, and I'm still good. No hangovers, no blackouts, I always remember everything I did. It was brought to my attention that perhaps it is due to the changes I am going through, but that just didn't sound right to me. Well this morning it finally clicked. In my haste to get ready and go out, I never ate dinner. Last I had eaten was at lunch time. Just one more stupid thing I did that day/night.
My intentions in writing this was two fold, first, I needed to get this out of me. Writing it out has been most helpful, and talking about it has helped tremendously. Bit by bit I am piecing back everything. Secondly, I wanted people to be aware. Don't get caught up in the moment, yes, it can be scary and nerve racking, but take it easy. I know, easier said than done, just take a few deep breaths and take a moment to refocus. Be mindful of where you are, and who you are with. Know that there are people out there that will take advantage of an opportunity. If possible don't go alone, go with someone you know. There is safety in numbers. I had a false sense of security thinking that I was safe from potential predators with the person I was hanging out with, unfortunately I was mistaken. Though I suppose things could have gone much, much worse, and I am grateful that it didn't.
I am getting better mentally with each passing day. I am okay talking about it. I've shed my fair share of tears and quite possibly more to come from time to time. All part of the healing process I suppose. I started working on a lessons learned in the chatroom on Saturday, but I think I need to put those somewhere a bit more beneficial. So hopefully when I have some time, I can add to it on this post.
Re: Allyson - From the bottom of my heart, thank you! Chatting with you last night helped tremendously. I spent too long focusing on writing about the events, I had drifted into a dark and dreadful place. Thank you for help shedding some light. *HUGS*
Re: Th3saurus - Thank you for that silver lining. While I realize the chances are ultra slim, there's still that possibility. The doctor is testing for it, and wants me to go back in 6 months to retest. The suspense is killing waiting to hear back the results of Monday's test. Hopefully today, or tomorrow. *SIGHS* If you don't drink, don't start, it really isn't needed. As I said, I don't normally drink, which is probably why I forgot about not drinking on an empty stomach. I was just so nervous, excited, enthralled, etc. being out as Sofia I had hoped a drink would calm things down. But honestly drinking really isn't my thing. I am naturally wired, hyper, and a tad bit crazy, I really don't need anything to release that. Sure it will take me a little while to open up especially in new surroundings, and outside of my element, but once I do, watch out!!
Re: Jannet - Ha ha ha, thanks Jannet, humor cures what ails ya right? Bad Bunny indeed.
Regarding my drinking, I was already well on my way to sobering up. The shock of what happened really sobered me up as well. Plus I sat there in my car for quite sometime. Enough time for me to realize that there were plenty of cars still around for well past closing. Plus I know I had seen people getting into their cars as I was getting into mine, yet they were still there. I left shortly after some of those people left. Regarding my wife, if it comes to be, it comes to be. I hope she would be understanding, but I doubt it. She's not one to forget easily, would be just one more thing to use against me and hold over me till the end of times. She's wonderful about stuff like that. "Yes I forgive you", then in an argument, BAM, sucker punches me with it. If it had happened under any other circumstances, it would be mildly easier to talk about. But the way it happened, I am up a creek without a paddle. It would be quite a bit of explaining and revealing. 
Re: Megan - Thank you Megan for the response. If it had been the fuzz, I would have definitely mentioned it in the chatroom. That, I am sure would have been a lot more entertaining. So yeah, that's kind of why I was being very cryptic about it. I wasn't exactly comfortable talking about it, and I didn't want really say too much without fully explaining how I got in the situation in the first place. But, it's done, I can talk about it now and hopefully accept the things that happened, and let myself heal. Will I go out again? Possibly, perhaps I will in time. If you read the first part of the evening, I was having a wonderful time. It was a fabulous experience, that's mostly why I separated this in two parts, the good, from the bad. I hope I haven't scared anyone from trying this experience, just learn from my mistakes.
Like I said, I need to list out my lessons learned regarding my two outings.
Re: iaboy - While I don't believe my drinks were tampered with, I could be mistaken. But I am pretty sure the drinks were fine. As I mentioned earlier, I believe the reason the drinks hit me so quickly was because I hadn't eaten since early afternoon. So not a good thing for me.
Re: Paula - Thank you Paula for responding. So I was never one to go out to Bar/Clubs, so not only what this new experience for me regarding going out as Sofia, it was a new experience for me to be out and about at a Bar/Club, especially alone. The few times I went out, it was always with a large group of friends, and we socialized with one another.
Re: Julie - Hello Julie, as I mentioned to iaboy, I believe it was lack of eating that caused the alcohol to affect me so quickly. *sighs* I wasn't going for naughty. I wasn't seeking to get laid, or play, or anything in that regards. I just wanted to find someone I could talk to and be myself around. But I realize now, I was NOT in the right place for something like that. *sighs*
A world of what if's and possibilities that will never truly be known.Looking back little things keep popping back into my head. For instance, for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why the hell the alcohol hit me so hard. I know I rarely drink, maybe the 3rd time this year, but my tolerance for alcohol when I have drank is pretty damn high. 5-7 drinks, several shots, and I'm still good. No hangovers, no blackouts, I always remember everything I did. It was brought to my attention that perhaps it is due to the changes I am going through, but that just didn't sound right to me. Well this morning it finally clicked. In my haste to get ready and go out, I never ate dinner. Last I had eaten was at lunch time. Just one more stupid thing I did that day/night.
My intentions in writing this was two fold, first, I needed to get this out of me. Writing it out has been most helpful, and talking about it has helped tremendously. Bit by bit I am piecing back everything. Secondly, I wanted people to be aware. Don't get caught up in the moment, yes, it can be scary and nerve racking, but take it easy. I know, easier said than done, just take a few deep breaths and take a moment to refocus. Be mindful of where you are, and who you are with. Know that there are people out there that will take advantage of an opportunity. If possible don't go alone, go with someone you know. There is safety in numbers. I had a false sense of security thinking that I was safe from potential predators with the person I was hanging out with, unfortunately I was mistaken. Though I suppose things could have gone much, much worse, and I am grateful that it didn't.
I am getting better mentally with each passing day. I am okay talking about it. I've shed my fair share of tears and quite possibly more to come from time to time. All part of the healing process I suppose. I started working on a lessons learned in the chatroom on Saturday, but I think I need to put those somewhere a bit more beneficial. So hopefully when I have some time, I can add to it on this post.
Re: Allyson - From the bottom of my heart, thank you! Chatting with you last night helped tremendously. I spent too long focusing on writing about the events, I had drifted into a dark and dreadful place. Thank you for help shedding some light. *HUGS*
Re: Th3saurus - Thank you for that silver lining. While I realize the chances are ultra slim, there's still that possibility. The doctor is testing for it, and wants me to go back in 6 months to retest. The suspense is killing waiting to hear back the results of Monday's test. Hopefully today, or tomorrow. *SIGHS* If you don't drink, don't start, it really isn't needed. As I said, I don't normally drink, which is probably why I forgot about not drinking on an empty stomach. I was just so nervous, excited, enthralled, etc. being out as Sofia I had hoped a drink would calm things down. But honestly drinking really isn't my thing. I am naturally wired, hyper, and a tad bit crazy, I really don't need anything to release that. Sure it will take me a little while to open up especially in new surroundings, and outside of my element, but once I do, watch out!!
Re: Jannet - Ha ha ha, thanks Jannet, humor cures what ails ya right? Bad Bunny indeed.
Regarding my drinking, I was already well on my way to sobering up. The shock of what happened really sobered me up as well. Plus I sat there in my car for quite sometime. Enough time for me to realize that there were plenty of cars still around for well past closing. Plus I know I had seen people getting into their cars as I was getting into mine, yet they were still there. I left shortly after some of those people left. Regarding my wife, if it comes to be, it comes to be. I hope she would be understanding, but I doubt it. She's not one to forget easily, would be just one more thing to use against me and hold over me till the end of times. She's wonderful about stuff like that. "Yes I forgive you", then in an argument, BAM, sucker punches me with it. If it had happened under any other circumstances, it would be mildly easier to talk about. But the way it happened, I am up a creek without a paddle. It would be quite a bit of explaining and revealing. Re: Megan - Thank you Megan for the response. If it had been the fuzz, I would have definitely mentioned it in the chatroom. That, I am sure would have been a lot more entertaining. So yeah, that's kind of why I was being very cryptic about it. I wasn't exactly comfortable talking about it, and I didn't want really say too much without fully explaining how I got in the situation in the first place. But, it's done, I can talk about it now and hopefully accept the things that happened, and let myself heal. Will I go out again? Possibly, perhaps I will in time. If you read the first part of the evening, I was having a wonderful time. It was a fabulous experience, that's mostly why I separated this in two parts, the good, from the bad. I hope I haven't scared anyone from trying this experience, just learn from my mistakes.
Like I said, I need to list out my lessons learned regarding my two outings.Re: iaboy - While I don't believe my drinks were tampered with, I could be mistaken. But I am pretty sure the drinks were fine. As I mentioned earlier, I believe the reason the drinks hit me so quickly was because I hadn't eaten since early afternoon. So not a good thing for me.
Re: Paula - Thank you Paula for responding. So I was never one to go out to Bar/Clubs, so not only what this new experience for me regarding going out as Sofia, it was a new experience for me to be out and about at a Bar/Club, especially alone. The few times I went out, it was always with a large group of friends, and we socialized with one another.
Re: Julie - Hello Julie, as I mentioned to iaboy, I believe it was lack of eating that caused the alcohol to affect me so quickly. *sighs* I wasn't going for naughty. I wasn't seeking to get laid, or play, or anything in that regards. I just wanted to find someone I could talk to and be myself around. But I realize now, I was NOT in the right place for something like that. *sighs*