[The First Aria]

@Skye:
Thank you! Today it is better than yesterday. I know similar moods from my GF and other ladies and now I know it is not easy to control them once they appear.
You are right that online shopping offers wider choice. I actually begun to buy many things only online - I have more time choosing without a rush. Until now, I was a little bit afraid of buying shoes online, but I'll have to give it a shot.

@Julie:
Thanks to you as well! Yes, yes I begin to bee one of those moody girls . It appears that PM really is affecting my mind.

@Jannet:
Many thanks for your virtual hug (*hug back*) and for advice! I admit that I am very self-critical. The positive is that I constantly try to improve, the negative is that I am never satisfied.
I know the power of make-up and decided to train its application. It will take time to master it, but with effort and determination I will make it!
I know that 43 is not such a big size, because one of my female colleagues has 43 size feet. And therefore I was really surprised to find that here in Czech Republic most of the bigger shops or bigger brands offer only shoes up to a size of 42 and everything bigger is considered oversize. It appears we are nation of Cinderellas .

@iaboy:
I've been having "girl envy" since early puberty and maybe even earlier. However, for long time I didn't think it to be a form of gender dysphoria. I completely understand what you've written about admiring female physical form. I admire also fluidity of feminine body language and many things about feminine attitude. Sometimes I am also sad that I did not accepted my dysphoric feelings earlier. After all, I begun messing with breast growth and more serious feminisation after I got really anxious when I realised I won't get any younger and that the longer I wait the less portion of life I will have to express my inner feminine self...

Welcome to the club, is all I've got.  I call it " Nearer My God to Thee " syndrome.  Another words, people wake up to the fact that, for them, the end of time is getting closer and closer.  That, and in my case, forced medical retirement makes a body do some deep soul searching over all of the "why's and why not's".  My therapist pointed that much out to me.  So sad, is it not?