[Katie]

I have a very strange inexplicable feeling that i`m starting to get the more I "come out", and it was never more powerfull than when I came out to my Doctor earlier this week.

it`s like now that I`m Out and in the system so to speak I get a feeling like I`v been given "permission" to be more like Myself.
and I know that sounds crazy because I don`t really need permission to be me, or at least I don`t Feel I do, but it seems that on Some level I might actually be feeling just that!?

I know quiye a few trans people Dread the being told to Live as your identified gender for a year order that the "gate keepers" demand of us, I think it`s called Real Life Experience or some variation of that.
But Secretly I`m actually looking Forwards to being given such and order!?

likei it`ll somehow give me license to be myself because I`v been ordered to by a medical professional and it`s Law etc...?
now I know I shouldn`t need this permission and I do live en femme 24/7 except for when I go out anywhere.
Am I abdicating responsibility or something? a sort of, well I`m only doing it because I`v been ordered to, kind of protection?
or is it that I really do feel I need to get Permission or something?
is it because I feel Validated because a medical pro is in agreement with me about my being female?

I have no idea what`s going on inside my head, all I know is that comming out feels Good, and I can`t wait to be told to live 24/7 365 without exception as myself.
but why am I  not sharing that Dread like most of the other trans girls do? am I missing something here?

is it even a permission thing at all and maybe something entirely different?

Moreover, can anyone here relate to this in anyway?