14-11-2016, 06:45 PM
(This post was last modified: 14-11-2016, 06:47 PM by The First Aria.)
Well. Since I had a poll a few months ago, and decided on a name. I figure I might as well start logging in using it.
As many of you already know. The last 4 - 5 yrs has been....... how should I say??? Scary, fun, exciting and scary?? OOps 2x using scary was sort of an accident, but maybe concerned and scary?
I have come to realize many things during that time, one of which is that I might of been leading a double life since I was born. I am not sure how to label it. It's either stupidity or ignorance. I think to some degree, both could apply. Nor, do I know who to blame. But my conclusion I am making is that it's really no one's fault. As my new GD explained.... I was left with a few brain receptors that didn't either except my "maleness or being a female". So, as to whom to blame...... No one on Earth, rather it be parents, doctors or you name it.
But, in any case, I must figure out how to deal with all the complications, concerns for my loved ones both living and deceased, my past friends as well as any future friends. How can I lead such a complicated existence..... Wanting to be Male and Female? Should I strive to be one on one day or week, and the other on the other day, week or month.... Or, strive to be the best "Tomboy" or "Girlie Boy" I can attain? How can I maintain such a life and not loose my core self?
The aforementioned concerns are something I fear not even my well meaning and knowledgeable therapist can help me with. All I know, is that she said first, I must figure out who I am, or what I am. Second, I have to get to the point of acceptance.. O.K., done and done.
I suppose the next step is to figure out how to ride all of this out. I certainly pity my poor therapist
Now, I am wondering about my "Avatar"... LOL Boy, am I a glutton for punishment! !
As many of you already know. The last 4 - 5 yrs has been....... how should I say??? Scary, fun, exciting and scary?? OOps 2x using scary was sort of an accident, but maybe concerned and scary?
I have come to realize many things during that time, one of which is that I might of been leading a double life since I was born. I am not sure how to label it. It's either stupidity or ignorance. I think to some degree, both could apply. Nor, do I know who to blame. But my conclusion I am making is that it's really no one's fault. As my new GD explained.... I was left with a few brain receptors that didn't either except my "maleness or being a female". So, as to whom to blame...... No one on Earth, rather it be parents, doctors or you name it.
But, in any case, I must figure out how to deal with all the complications, concerns for my loved ones both living and deceased, my past friends as well as any future friends. How can I lead such a complicated existence..... Wanting to be Male and Female? Should I strive to be one on one day or week, and the other on the other day, week or month.... Or, strive to be the best "Tomboy" or "Girlie Boy" I can attain? How can I maintain such a life and not loose my core self?
The aforementioned concerns are something I fear not even my well meaning and knowledgeable therapist can help me with. All I know, is that she said first, I must figure out who I am, or what I am. Second, I have to get to the point of acceptance.. O.K., done and done.
I suppose the next step is to figure out how to ride all of this out. I certainly pity my poor therapist
Now, I am wondering about my "Avatar"... LOL Boy, am I a glutton for punishment! !