[PuffyAya]

Hi Julie,

New to this forum, but I've been on the fence then over and then finally returned to the male side.
Pleased to meet you.

You sound like you are at a really confused stage of life.

I can share a little of what I went through.

I was on the fence for most of my teenage years. Couldn't commit until one day I decided vainly that I couldn't wait any longer if I wanted to transition and still be passable. This was a mistake, making decisions under a false time constraint that I decided on myself. 
Transition went smoothly (too smoothly even), I felt that it was meant to be.
After years of living as a girl, I picked up some resentments to the life. Was just entering the workforce and being a mtf engineer seems to grind everyone's gears.
I've also encountered really scary individuals who had a mtf fetish and thought that I should be grateful that they were willing to offer to pork me.
One of them even stalked me around campus then started badmouthing me. 

On my 5th year, my doctor presented GRS as an option finally as he felt it was time. I freaked and had a long think about my life over the next year.
I was on the fence again. It was going nowhere so I decided to have a try at stopping.
Stopped HRT and went back to male dressing, nothing changed at first.
But slowly I felt like the old me again, and I realised that I preferred it that way.

So... as I write this I realise that my story revolves around 2 spur of the moment decisions... which is probably not helpful for you. haha...
That's just the way I am I guess. But I regret nothing.