20-05-2017, 07:56 PM
(This post was last modified: 20-05-2017, 07:58 PM by The First Aria.)
Wow, I hadn't noticed it had been so long since I posted on this thread. Geeze!
Anyways, Bobbi asked me how I was feeling since being on HRT from last December.
I think, the best way to describe it is two stages. 1. For the first couple of months, it was a very questionable time. I questioned rather I was doing the right thing as well as wondering if I could stop at any time. The answer to the first one was I was nervous as all get out. I still had to really figure out if I was of "Two Souls" or not. The second part was that the G.D. said that once I "reprogrammed" my body, I would still have to take either male HRT or female HRT since my T making ability would be somewhat muted in a fashion. GULP ! ! !
So, with the above realization, I was TERRIBLY nervous.
But, as luck would have it, about 1/2 way through the 3rd month. A calming realization came over me. I could not describe it as euphoria, but more of a understanding. That deep down, probably since I was little, or hell, maybe since birth, I had always been stuck in the middle.
As my breasts and hips started to move in the right direction, I found that little extra acceptance of who I really am.... A better place in my mind. I never EVER again have to stuff my bra's, use breast forms to pretend that I had breasts. They were starting to become a reality... I could now truly dress either male or female or even inbetween dictated only by my mood and circumstances.
But, it also made me more aware of the fact that I would never truly turn in my "man card". There is a certain comfort knowing that I am getting closer to becoming a "hermaphrodite" in my appearance and thoughts. I could recall my anger if my man hood was challenged, and yet weigh the situation and the source and come to a more peaceful outcome. I have always had empathy for other people, but now I feel it's more emphasized by not only my actions, but by thought as well.
I have conquered many fears, and worked out many problems. Except my wife, whom I love more than 44 years years of marriage. She is doing her damnedest to try to understand, but has some difficulty in getting totally there. And the sasd part. I cannot condemn, nor blame her. I mean, my journey has taken 30 to coming on 63 years of living. And I am still not totally there yet.
Hence, I think I will still have to rely on my Therapist a while longer.
Sorry for the longish post, but you asked for it. So blame yourself.
Anyways, Bobbi asked me how I was feeling since being on HRT from last December.
I think, the best way to describe it is two stages. 1. For the first couple of months, it was a very questionable time. I questioned rather I was doing the right thing as well as wondering if I could stop at any time. The answer to the first one was I was nervous as all get out. I still had to really figure out if I was of "Two Souls" or not. The second part was that the G.D. said that once I "reprogrammed" my body, I would still have to take either male HRT or female HRT since my T making ability would be somewhat muted in a fashion. GULP ! ! !
So, with the above realization, I was TERRIBLY nervous.
But, as luck would have it, about 1/2 way through the 3rd month. A calming realization came over me. I could not describe it as euphoria, but more of a understanding. That deep down, probably since I was little, or hell, maybe since birth, I had always been stuck in the middle.
As my breasts and hips started to move in the right direction, I found that little extra acceptance of who I really am.... A better place in my mind. I never EVER again have to stuff my bra's, use breast forms to pretend that I had breasts. They were starting to become a reality... I could now truly dress either male or female or even inbetween dictated only by my mood and circumstances.
But, it also made me more aware of the fact that I would never truly turn in my "man card". There is a certain comfort knowing that I am getting closer to becoming a "hermaphrodite" in my appearance and thoughts. I could recall my anger if my man hood was challenged, and yet weigh the situation and the source and come to a more peaceful outcome. I have always had empathy for other people, but now I feel it's more emphasized by not only my actions, but by thought as well.
I have conquered many fears, and worked out many problems. Except my wife, whom I love more than 44 years years of marriage. She is doing her damnedest to try to understand, but has some difficulty in getting totally there. And the sasd part. I cannot condemn, nor blame her. I mean, my journey has taken 30 to coming on 63 years of living. And I am still not totally there yet.
Hence, I think I will still have to rely on my Therapist a while longer.
Sorry for the longish post, but you asked for it. So blame yourself.