[AliP]

How many have gone through the struggles or internal weakness of coming out as transgender to family? I'm afraid to tell my kids im afraid to lose them. My wife i know i will lose as she is completely religious and is outwardly expressive against my feminine side. I'm afraid my kids will follow their mom. It causes an internal struggle because at this juncture in my life am i being selfish? I just wanted to finally be me and not secretly living it. 
Support group.. advice..strength needed

Luv,
Ali

I know exactly what you mean. I think most if not all of us have gone through those struggles one way or another. If you want a detailed answer, send me a pm and we can discuss it. I would need to know a bit more information though and some of the answer may not be easy for you to hear, but you should hear it.

That is what I am fretting most. I know the day has to come, I can't be fully free until I do so. I know that. I need to find a way to make peace with it. My therapist should help me sort through the mess. Hopefully... all in due time.. but this second half of my life is much shorter. So I want to be a little selfish and live it in a manner that I'm happy.. you know the saying, happy wife happy life.. I've tried to make everyone happy all the time and I'm miserable all the time. It's time to change that perception and be happy. Life is short and time on earth is shorter therefore make the best of it. That's the saying anyway right? Thanks for response.. 

Ali

It sounds like you find it difficult to communicate well with others especially those closest to you. It causes you to be walking on eggshells. Read the book by the same name and read Boundaries. That alone could save you some therapy sessions. You clearly have other issues not gender related, but your gender issues do overlap so, be sure to let your therapist know. Communication is key in marriage and failure to communicate leads to one or both partners being miserable, frustrated and or angry at the other. Does any of that sound familiar to you? Failure to communicate will eventually lead to a complete breakdown of the relationship irregardless of any gender issues. Your marriage is on fire. Carefully seek counseling. Coming out to your wife and kids will not help put the fire out, but will add a special kind of devastating fire to it. You can come out to your family and end up with a better and stronger relationship, but first you must put out that fire. I can give you a little bit more, but it must be done by private message as I would have to ask things that might not be appropriate for an open forum.

Well, our marriage has lasted 17 years and our communications has been exceptional for the exception of this particular issue. I've worked so hard over the last 30 years suppressing my true self and trying to be everything everyone else thinks I should be. My wife has taken a new journey of her own and has become very religious and speaks out about this very topic. She has told me she doesn't like the feminine sides of me I am displaying and she wants her big burly man back. But I'm not him anymore. I know she and I are best friends and if I do come out she will just want me happy but she wouldn't stick around. Either way I can't hide anymore behind a tired 30 year shell.. I'm breaking free of my own shell..finally.. feel free to PM me next time you're on.

Ali