Today morning I still felt very down and very intimidated in regards to my feminization efforts. I cannot stop it all, that’s out of question, I just wanted to slow down a bit, to take a little break, to live stealthily and safely for a little longer, you know… The last time I felt this shitty and cowardly was a year ago when the anxiety of a then new job abroad whisked everything feminine right out of me.
What did I do? I did the same thing as yesterday. Only prepared. The last thing I wanted to do was to stop wallowing alone in misery, make me more feminine and get out, but I forced myself to it and OF COURSE the procedure itself already changed my mood for better and I headed relatively confidently into the lion’s den.
Already at the stairs a boy of the crowd shouted: „WTF, that’s a girl!“ (Not a woman. A girl!!
What a darling!) The kids stared the same way as yesterday, but today I knew I made what I could and I don’t look offensive and enjoyed it in a way. I sat alone at the table and the town’s deputy mayor (mother’s boss) joined me there. That’s never happened in many many years we both lunch there. As a guy I had for whatever reasons difficulty to even greet these people, but today I just nodded, smiled, gooddayed him – so naturally. I then went to the drugstore and finally bought a batch of decorative cosmetics – again after more than three years. I did not even mind a store’s coffee machine spitting my macchiato’s milk beside the cup and later finding some bloody joker’s used (chewing
) gum in the bitter coffee. This is Czech Republic baby.Okay, I am flattering myself quite a bit, but transitioning (with a light social phobia to boot) is not a piece of cake. I still feel I’m not as efficient as I should but today I did a good job.
I believe there is a moral even, hidden somewhere in the story
.There. Yesterday’s overcome, thread‘s closed.