15-10-2017, 03:15 PM
Hi Ali
actually this is my first post on this site. Only found it today. I suppose I should introduce myself.. My name is Toni and Im 57 and just starting my transition. I havent even had my first appointment but have registered with my GP and been referred to GIC. Im going a shared private and NHS route to save costs. One of the joys of being a UK resident! Im soooooooooooooooooooooo f*****g excited!!!! :o) :o) :o)
I just wanted to say that I have suffered this GID all my life. I have desperately tried to fit in with my birth gender. I have embraced and then purged the female more times than I care to count. Had many many relationships fall apart causing pain and upset all round..all because I couldnt commit to the path that is now so obvious. I was always worried about other peoples opinions. Ive lived my life giving away my power to others. Now I have to live MY life for MYSELF. If that is selfish then so be it. I wouldnt have caused so much upset if I had been true to myself..sooo..maybe... the selfish thing is to NOT deal with this condition at the earliest possible opportunity. We dont choose GID. We just have to deal with it in whatever way that works for us. Remember though, that in my experience, it NEVER goes away..not ever. Also in my experience, the longer it is left untreated the worse it gets. It is a POWERFUL thing that becomes overwhelming. My everyday mental health suffered terribly. Some days I cant leave the houseboat because of the very very heavy overcoat of masculinity I have to don every time I do. I am also reworking my idea of what it is to be a trans woman. I dont think I will ever truly pass, although I am very small, 5'4"..my face is worldly worn..but..I havent been on Estrogen yet so I dont know what I will look like. For me though, My main aim is to live the rest of my life as authentically as possible. I am a trans woman. I may always look like a trans woman, but as long as I am happy I now dont care what other people think. They will think what they want no matter what I do or dont do. I suppose Im trying to say that you may cause more pain for you and your family by trying to deny your feelings than actually dealing with them in whatever way works for you.
I wish you all the luck in the world for the future....
Much love
Toni x
actually this is my first post on this site. Only found it today. I suppose I should introduce myself.. My name is Toni and Im 57 and just starting my transition. I havent even had my first appointment but have registered with my GP and been referred to GIC. Im going a shared private and NHS route to save costs. One of the joys of being a UK resident! Im soooooooooooooooooooooo f*****g excited!!!! :o) :o) :o)
I just wanted to say that I have suffered this GID all my life. I have desperately tried to fit in with my birth gender. I have embraced and then purged the female more times than I care to count. Had many many relationships fall apart causing pain and upset all round..all because I couldnt commit to the path that is now so obvious. I was always worried about other peoples opinions. Ive lived my life giving away my power to others. Now I have to live MY life for MYSELF. If that is selfish then so be it. I wouldnt have caused so much upset if I had been true to myself..sooo..maybe... the selfish thing is to NOT deal with this condition at the earliest possible opportunity. We dont choose GID. We just have to deal with it in whatever way that works for us. Remember though, that in my experience, it NEVER goes away..not ever. Also in my experience, the longer it is left untreated the worse it gets. It is a POWERFUL thing that becomes overwhelming. My everyday mental health suffered terribly. Some days I cant leave the houseboat because of the very very heavy overcoat of masculinity I have to don every time I do. I am also reworking my idea of what it is to be a trans woman. I dont think I will ever truly pass, although I am very small, 5'4"..my face is worldly worn..but..I havent been on Estrogen yet so I dont know what I will look like. For me though, My main aim is to live the rest of my life as authentically as possible. I am a trans woman. I may always look like a trans woman, but as long as I am happy I now dont care what other people think. They will think what they want no matter what I do or dont do. I suppose Im trying to say that you may cause more pain for you and your family by trying to deny your feelings than actually dealing with them in whatever way works for you.
I wish you all the luck in the world for the future....
Much love
Toni x