[The First Aria]

Here is what the so called "learned" Doctors think my situation could be.  

1.  I was born cross wired.  ( I had while being formed totally formed in uterus, had  an incomplete infusion of either male or female hormones.  What that would do, is lead to who I am...  both female and male qualities.

2.  I could of had a minor stroke.  There is a particular area of the brain, that controls interactions with other humans, personality traits etc.  If this section is interfered with, it could turn a person into a bank robber, anti social, paranoiac or even sexual confusion or sexual predator.  Any number of changes in a persons life.  There was a whole laundry list of different areas of the brain that could take a hit and not effect motor skills or cognitive abilities that most doctors look for in a stroke patient.  Perplexing, right??

3.  Or had a liberal upbringing leaned to idolizing females and ingraining in me that I would of rather been female than male.  

Now, it's true that my folks brought me up to be very respectful and admire all types of femininity, but I don't think to the point of brainwashing.  But to make me be a gentleman towards women. even to the point of old fashioned chivalry.  

I completely reject #3, although I consider myself chivalrous in many ways and think I was a knight in a previous life.  

I tend to lean towards number 1.  I always like soft and velvety things...  From undergarments to pajama's.  but was programed that I was a boy and some things were just " unbecoming to a boy or man ".  How confusing to me that was.

For me, since being on HRT I would say that just enforced the idea that women now a days can wear anything from a sexy, low cut near shearless blouse and a very short skirt, to torn up mens jeans and oversized t-shirt or mens shirt and still thought of as being pretty, or cute or just simply in style.   

Why then, if men want to wear a ruffle down the front shirt/blouse and not at a formal or performing on stage is it so dam wrong???  If I want to tout my femininity, who's business is it other than myself??  That is what HRT has done for me...  Given me a little more backbone in the matter.

But, then the realization sets in that I , in a lot of cases, have to tone it done , depending if I am with my family or at on of my functions that I attend.... It's maddening at times. So, I just wear things that are unseeable in them situations. A bra with a sloppy shirt and panties. At least I still feel somewhat feminine when I am in that mood.