[dementedClown]

I have read of people that use epilators on their beard.
I can't even begin to imagine the horrible amount of pain they go through while doing so, but if you find a way to make it less painful (Ice? Warm cloth? Iboprofen cream? Get stupidly drunk?) then it's actually quite effective.

Being a clown, I have been physically assaulted, and punched in my face, several times in my life. When someone punches me, in my face, and makes me bleed, I feel next to nothing other than damaged pride and rage. 

However, despite this, I am very much afraid of epilators. This is due to the fact that once in my life, I had acquired some affordable Professional Waxing on my Male Beard. I had fantasies I would exit victorious and beautiful after all was said and Done. But after all was said and Done I looked in the mirror. It was similar to the scene in Jack Nicholson Joker, except worse, because he had beauty and I had no beauty at all. In fact I looked even uglier than my gross disgusting beard. To my dismay my entire beard was replaced with horrible red, bloodthirsty zit-like abominations. When I said I wanted to be a clown, what I meant was one of those Sexy clowns. But instead, the universe made me look like Bozo the Clown, but worse. Being an honest person, I paid her the 30 dollars even after she had ruined my life. I value being polite almost as much as I value a good hairdresser.