I've been reading these forums for quite a while. So I believe what I'm going through is nothing new; as stated in previous posts, I stopped my program about a year ago. Tried to convince myself that this is just a kink, a fantasy in my head, this line of thought has been fueled by the fact that my desire for a female body has been linked to sex and porn mostly.
Putting things into context, I did have a brief (2-3 years) period (15-18 ish) when I was obsessed with becoming a woman, I started wearing panties and lingerie under my jeans, having my whole body wax epilated; I even came out to my mother - "hi mom, I think I'm trans" - and went to 1 session with a psycologist who knew next to nothing about transgender issues.
However, the relationship with my mother was so toxic that it eclypsed any gender issues I had at the time, and it wasn't after she passed away in 2011, and I had 4 years of therapy that questions about my gender surfaced again.
By this point I was 36 and had had very few relationships with the oposite sex, but I had already stated to notice a worrying trend. While I enjoyed the companionship, I felt little to nothing when having sex with women. Moreover, I realised that when I was watching porn, I was getting off of imagining becoming her, and being her, wearing the sexy lingerie etc...
At the end of 2016 I met an amazing woman, with whom I live now, and despite how little sex we have, the relationship is amazing, I wouldn't change it for the world, but I cannot deny how I feel inside, even though I know that telling her about this is likely to kill the relationship.
So I'm restarting the program (with changes) because It makes me feel incredibly excited, and because I'm now 40, and life is to short to die wondering "what if". We'll see where this ends, but here I am, back again.
BTW, my new program is a simplified version of the old one:
Daily (3 week loops, i.e: 3 weeks on, 1 week off)
PM: 1500 mg
Reishi: 890 mg
WP: 1200 mg
MSM: 4000 mg
Macca: 2500 mg
Centrum MV for women.