I have had similar thoughts, it can be a real struggle for us. I read a lot on the internet. There are some families that make it thru a transition and are happy and thriving, many others don't make it. I am able to feminize my body, grow my hair long, pierce my ears and polish my toe nails without having to come out to all the family. My wife knows and is semi-accepting. I think my kids would revolt and my work would be a real problem if I transitioned. No one outside of my wife sees my body. I only wear earrings at home and sometimes on the weekends. Other men in my office at work have let their hair grow longer. That is how I am getting away with it, and for me, it's enough to satisfy my needs to be a woman. I have some clothes and makeup that I wear occasionally at home. I guess that I am lucky that my wife is semi-accepting. But she needs a man in life too. I don't feel like a man inside, I feel 100% female since I can remember as a small child.
I am not sure if you could find a balance like me. I have struggled my whole life as a pleaser and doing things for others at the expense of my own needs. I feel like I am doing this for myself finally. I often ask myself, why would I have to live my life a certain way just to make others happy?
It's a tough place to be in. Transgender people are still not accepted in the world. It's a little better than years ago, but some people still think of us in a bad way. I feel like some time in the future, transitioning will be common and accepted.
I also have seen conversations on the web that talk about, what if you wife wanted to become a man. This has happened BTW. Would you still accept them, stay with them and love them? For me, I am not attracted to men, but I would stay with them if this happened in my situation. There would be a lot of adjustment, but I love them as a person and would do my best to continue. But that is just me.
Talking with your therapist is probably best. I hope I at least shed some light on this topic.
Good luck with your journey,
Kay