10-12-2022, 10:32 PM
It is surprising how many people deal with this sub-terrain pressure to conform to the feminine. Obviously, I have it too.
I can explain why this happened psychologically to me: abuse mainly. But even abuse aside, I think a lot of it is "role space" in the family unit during childhood. If one is being filled or another strongly denigrated, it pushes the child into a particular role space: even if that space doesn't match the biology.
But for all my understanding of why, I can't seem to change the drive "to conform" itself.
It's a "relief" to hear from people who have families and successful careers and still have this hanging over their heads - I failed on all of normalcy, partly because I knew I was confused about this inside. Nice (for me) to know that even if I had been successful in normal life, I probably wouldn't have shaken this feeling.
Still not sure how far to go with it though. I really wanted that role re productively (or so I think I do) and SRS doesn't get me that. What's left for me if I transitioned is a mating game that doesn't lead anywhere (and I would probably start way at the back of the line for being attractive!). So its always a start-stop cycle.
I can explain why this happened psychologically to me: abuse mainly. But even abuse aside, I think a lot of it is "role space" in the family unit during childhood. If one is being filled or another strongly denigrated, it pushes the child into a particular role space: even if that space doesn't match the biology.
But for all my understanding of why, I can't seem to change the drive "to conform" itself.
It's a "relief" to hear from people who have families and successful careers and still have this hanging over their heads - I failed on all of normalcy, partly because I knew I was confused about this inside. Nice (for me) to know that even if I had been successful in normal life, I probably wouldn't have shaken this feeling.
Still not sure how far to go with it though. I really wanted that role re productively (or so I think I do) and SRS doesn't get me that. What's left for me if I transitioned is a mating game that doesn't lead anywhere (and I would probably start way at the back of the line for being attractive!). So its always a start-stop cycle.