[Zhuzhu]

I believe at this point I can admit at least to some degree I am without a doubt trans. As I stated in one of my last posts way before I was exposed to porn or anything sexual at the age of 5 I was sneaking into my mom’s closet and cross dressing in her dresses and heels and thinking I want to be a pretty girl until she caught me. I stopped for years until I was 13 or 14 and my parents started leaving me home alone and I picked it back up. For years I tried to act like I didn’t remember doing that. Just like recently I’ve been lying to myself that my porn use has been making me feel this way even though when I first started using porn I immediately went to feminization porn because I always had that predisposition for feminization. Now I can admit that the use of porn is probably making my gender dysphoria worse and maybe it would be more manageable if I quit, but even before porn I’ve always thought I’d be happier as a girl from a very young age. Now I realized I’ve been lying to myself again. I’ve been trying to convince myself the last 2 weeks that I didn’t like what BO was doing to me even though while on it I had euphoria for the most part, and I’ve had a longing to feel those changes happening to my body again.

I can totally relate I have felt trans since I was probably 5.  But it was a deep reckoning I had and from the beginning I did not understand but I always felt a need to not be with the boys and I always had fights with them because they saw me as weak.  But I survived