13-04-2024, 05:36 PM
An update:
alot has been going on. Marriage has been shaky for some time. Recently my wife found out that her step dad has cancer and not sure about the prognosis or how much time he has. Next in mid March we had a house fire and we lost everything. Now trying to rebuild on top of all this my wife felt something was off about me. So she decided to go through my phone. What she found was something she did not expect or was even on the radar. I have been researching transitioning topics, reaching out the trans women for their advice and experiences. So with that even though I am not sure quite sure what I identify as I am out..and in a way I did not want to come out. I honestly don't think my marriage will survive this even if I decide not to explore this side of myself and not transition.
So again I am sorry for my actions in the past. I am not on any NBE supplements, and I have cycled off all forms of male steroids that I have been using for many years for fitness and bodybuilding purposes. I felt that I could try to achieve the physique of a female bodybuilder or athlete. I am not sure if the combo of female and male hormones is a factor that made my mental state even worse than it was or not, anyways again I am sorry for my actions in the past.
Whatever is going on with me is not going away. I have had these thoughts and feelings since childhood. Usually I am able.to repress them. For what ever reason they are not going away like in the past. I am so consumed with transitioning, thoughts of it, what I identify as, what that means and all the consequences, ramifications it has on myself and everyone else in my life that has to now go on this journey with me when they had no thoughts or concerns that this journey would ever be one they have to take.
Like I said I am off.everything. no steroids. No NBE. just what I normally use for day to day workouts. Just Proteins, pre workouts, amino acids etc. I am trying to let my system and hormones balance back out and my receptors get clean and again.
I have lost 10 lbs, I am currently at 195 in the mornings. I have lost a few inches everywhere. Strength has gone down some as well but still doing everything normal for the most part.
alot has been going on. Marriage has been shaky for some time. Recently my wife found out that her step dad has cancer and not sure about the prognosis or how much time he has. Next in mid March we had a house fire and we lost everything. Now trying to rebuild on top of all this my wife felt something was off about me. So she decided to go through my phone. What she found was something she did not expect or was even on the radar. I have been researching transitioning topics, reaching out the trans women for their advice and experiences. So with that even though I am not sure quite sure what I identify as I am out..and in a way I did not want to come out. I honestly don't think my marriage will survive this even if I decide not to explore this side of myself and not transition.
So again I am sorry for my actions in the past. I am not on any NBE supplements, and I have cycled off all forms of male steroids that I have been using for many years for fitness and bodybuilding purposes. I felt that I could try to achieve the physique of a female bodybuilder or athlete. I am not sure if the combo of female and male hormones is a factor that made my mental state even worse than it was or not, anyways again I am sorry for my actions in the past.
Whatever is going on with me is not going away. I have had these thoughts and feelings since childhood. Usually I am able.to repress them. For what ever reason they are not going away like in the past. I am so consumed with transitioning, thoughts of it, what I identify as, what that means and all the consequences, ramifications it has on myself and everyone else in my life that has to now go on this journey with me when they had no thoughts or concerns that this journey would ever be one they have to take.
Like I said I am off.everything. no steroids. No NBE. just what I normally use for day to day workouts. Just Proteins, pre workouts, amino acids etc. I am trying to let my system and hormones balance back out and my receptors get clean and again.
I have lost 10 lbs, I am currently at 195 in the mornings. I have lost a few inches everywhere. Strength has gone down some as well but still doing everything normal for the most part.