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I'd have to tell my wife everything and come out to her and see where we stand. 

Reading your post was like me looking in the mirror.  

Telling my wife after 35 years of marriage was the hardest thing I ever had to do.  But to my surprise she said “as long as we are honest with each other we can get through anything “.  She was so caring and loving, I wish I had done this years ago. Now I am dealing with the guilt for all the lost years of happiness together.
But this outcome is not the norm.  Don’t go on what I say it has to be your decision, but you might be luck like me.

Good luck

Pooky

Pooky, that is beautiful.