HI Tommie
Like many around here, like you, I come and go in my will to grow breasts, feminize myeslf etc... I am cis, I know for a fact, but I have many fetishes that rotate around crossdressing, body feminization, etc... NBE for me has been a funny one. It made me realize how much of my fetish drive, and the will to follow it, is given by testosterone in my body. When the testosterone goes down, I lose any intereest in following my fetishes and I have some horrible "WTF have I done" moments. My testosterone goes down after taking herbs for a while, it's normal, and it runs in parallel to my sex drive. This "curse" means that after about 1 month on PM, my will to do anything "sexy" vanishes, along with my will to crossdress and feminize. In the past there have been at least 4 big events, usually break-ups with ex girlfriends, that made me literally throw away all my stuff: clothes, hers... everything. Thousands of Euros and Pounds gone straight in the bin. And thousands more spent after that to buy even more stuff.
From a lot of thinking and from observing other people, I came to the conclusion that if you NEED to pursue feminization you may be trans, while if your will to feminize yourself comes and goes with your sex drive (like feeling guilty after an orgasm while watching porn hidden from your partner) you might simply be trying to fill a void with a fetish (this is my case). I learned to accept who I am and what I want. I hope you'll find your way and remember that things are not in black and white. There are thousands of shades of personality where things mix, and none of them is inherently wrong as long as it doesn't hurt you.
Like many around here, like you, I come and go in my will to grow breasts, feminize myeslf etc... I am cis, I know for a fact, but I have many fetishes that rotate around crossdressing, body feminization, etc... NBE for me has been a funny one. It made me realize how much of my fetish drive, and the will to follow it, is given by testosterone in my body. When the testosterone goes down, I lose any intereest in following my fetishes and I have some horrible "WTF have I done" moments. My testosterone goes down after taking herbs for a while, it's normal, and it runs in parallel to my sex drive. This "curse" means that after about 1 month on PM, my will to do anything "sexy" vanishes, along with my will to crossdress and feminize. In the past there have been at least 4 big events, usually break-ups with ex girlfriends, that made me literally throw away all my stuff: clothes, hers... everything. Thousands of Euros and Pounds gone straight in the bin. And thousands more spent after that to buy even more stuff.
From a lot of thinking and from observing other people, I came to the conclusion that if you NEED to pursue feminization you may be trans, while if your will to feminize yourself comes and goes with your sex drive (like feeling guilty after an orgasm while watching porn hidden from your partner) you might simply be trying to fill a void with a fetish (this is my case). I learned to accept who I am and what I want. I hope you'll find your way and remember that things are not in black and white. There are thousands of shades of personality where things mix, and none of them is inherently wrong as long as it doesn't hurt you.