[beverley.rose]

I intend to die as a male.

I do not.

OK, I only wore a man's, jacket, shirt and shoes once in five years: at my eldest daughter's prom. I want to present as my children's father on occasions where that's who I am. If they have children, I will be happy to be their grandfather.

I am finding maleness more and more difficult to cope with. It is so much easier to present as female. So much more comfortable, I feel lighter in mood, happier, less inhibited.

I certainly do not want SRS. I have linked the main reason here:
http://www.breastnexus.com/showthread.php?tid=9076&pid=31822#pid31822
Life for post ops is short, and ends in the most horrible ways. It may look like only one study, but all previous attempts at similar studies have failed to even find the post ops back.

I always thought I could manage without SRS but I am beginning to wonder if that is still true. I certainly now find the sight of my genitals utterly repellent which is not something I ever expected to experience.

So, life sucks for post-ops? Life sucks right now being stuck in this half-world. What have I got to lose?

I see SRS as the ultimate eunuch fantasy. In practice, it is self mutilation.

6 months ago I would have agreed with that. Not any more.

Passing is also a fantasy. When I stopped wearing make up, heels, nail polish and self tanner, everybody started calling me madam.

My experience is different from that. I get called madam when en femme already. It is working for me and whilst I do get read occasionally, most times I do not. As my self-confidence grows, people's success rate in reading me goes down.

Two years from now, my views may be different. I know very few people in the wider TG community who have kept the same goals for years.

Yeah - I agree with that bit 110%

Beverley