[dargona]

Also when taking a small break before: I noticed the desires such as cross-dressing came back, as did the urges to masturbate, and watch porn (this mirrors Sfem's experience) . On top of this: I also gave MORE attention to my breasts in a negative way -- I hawk-eyed them expecting miracle growth or looked at them with some disbelief (as to if they would grow to the size I wanted or have the appearance I was looking to attain -- not disbelief that they should be there *for clarification*).

While on PM: I don't have my breasts in mind, or my penis, or where I'm going to have sex next and how it's going down, etc etc. I mean occasionally if I'm in the proper mood I can and will think about each of these individually but for the most part my daily thought process is now focused on other things.

Yes, these are all the same reasons why I take it.

I hope you will agree, however, that if your mind started to dwell on the possibility of GRS, it would be worthwhile taking a break? Hypothetically?

From what you've said, I think that my TS brain may be further over to the female side than you. I've no doubt that if my wife had been disposed to let me live as a female, and that if I had been convincing, rather than the ugly dog that I am, that heavy use of PM would have sent me down the same path as Beverley.

This is really the purpose of my experiment. I see the one week's suffering per month as the "cold shower" / reality check that will prevent that happening.

(Apart from anything else, a monthly return to morning erections will prevent the old todger from shrivelling away! )


B.

by GRS do you mean genital reconstructive surgery? If so then I will be honest when it comes to this topic because I've given great and deep thought to this which is why it was difficult for me to come to a conclusion about what I wanted to pursue:

1.) I want my penis, there has never been a moment in my life when I honestly thought I would be better off without it.

2.) Having a vagina is of some interest to me (I wouldn't mind having one), however this usually involves the contradiction of case 1 above.

3.) Orchiectomy -- probably going to happen some day in my life as I have given thought to this, but only when I know I'm done having children. Of course this also brings on the debate of balancing Testosterone/Estrogen so at this point I'm probably going to have to consult with therapists/doctors and whatever is necessary to maintain the level of balance in which I'm now happy with.

Regarding all 3 of the cases above: it took me a good month after initially opening up to my wife before I finally realized that if I had been born hermaphrodite, with a more feminine-than-masculine appearance, it would be about the closest thing possible to representing how I've always felt.

This is why I feel I may have a completely different situation to deal with when compared to other TS/TG, I have never heard of anybody wanting to be hermaphrodite but honestly I've always wanted this on the inside, and will admit I used to love watching hermaphrodite porn and fantasizing about living that life (when I watched a lot more porn that is, heh!).