[Pansy-Mae]

...The other effect of PM for me is that I no longer feel the urge to cross-dress, and others experience that too. Notably, you don't get that either, do you?

.....but we can administer cross-sex hormones and see if the individual responds positively or negatively to them. .... A negative reaction would result in extreme anxiety and discomfort. A positive reaction is one where the individual reports a calming affect. Often described as a feeling of well-being.

.....I explain to all my clients MTF clients that paradoxically taking estrogen will diminish not only their libido, it will diminish their need to crossdress. I know that is counterintuitive but it is a fact.
I also warn them that getting on estrogen can result in a sense of well being that leads to a strong desire to continue taking it.

All of these extracts postulate either a definite positive or definite negative reaction, but nothing seems to allow for a middle of the road response, and I very firmly believe that is my case.

1) Yes, I've lost the need to cross-dress but it comes back if I drop PM for about 4 weeks.
2) No, I haven't noticed any calming/well being type feelings - if anything I personally feel as though I am more easily angered/irritated, although my wife says she hasn't noticed anything.
3) After a few months ( I think its about a 6-month cycle) of continual PM, I get the "Why am I doing this?" feelings, which eventually lead me to stop taking PM.
4) After a few weeks of no PM, two things happen:
a) I start to panic that my growth is deflating and I have to go back on the PM.
b) I start to want to cross-dress, but that disappears as soon as I start PM again.

Now on that basis I have some of the classic symptoms of both of the states that Ann Vitale postulates.

So I am on a see-saw, of which there is no obvious way to get off.