[Pansy-Mae]

Hi Pippa and welcome.

Yes there is a huge amount of info here at it can be confusing to say the least, if only because biologically male and female are starting from a different place.
We are all different and react differently, so nobody can tell you what will work for you, you have to decide for yourself which route to take and then be prepared to play around with ingredients and does until you find your ideal.
I'll do my best to give you my answers to your questions, but others may have different views.

Since the age of about 11 I've been interested in cross-dressing after watching a news report about a successful sex change operation. As I went through puberty I wished for boobs but none appeared .
That is exactly what happened to me as well

The problem is that I'm married and my wife doesn't know about my feelings and probably wouldn't be that supportive if I was to tell her. I'll come back to this one later

Having given birth to our son and then, within a year, started the menopause extremely early (42) she's lost all interest in sex, ANY physical contact and doesn't even want me to see her naked.

I recently started cross dressing and love it.
I'll come back to this later as well

So, clearly the way forward for me is to start taking PM and Red Clover as well.
I'm not sure why this is 'clearly the way forward'?. However if thats what you want then PM is fine, but I wonder if you are confusing RC ( Red Clover) with SP ( Saw Palmetto)? You may need SP to stop the conversion of Testosterone into DHT ( DiHydro Testosterone). DHT blocks the Oestrogen receptors and is also responsible for prostate problems, male pattern baldness and male body hair.

My plan is do this at the same time as getting back into shape so that I can put the change in my appearance down to the exercise regime if my wife notices. It seems unlikely that she will as I removed all my body hair (I'm pretty hairy: legs, arms and chest) and it took her two weeks to notice that.
That sound like a chancy option, but it's up to you, of course. I rather suspect that she will go ballistic when she does eventually notice and you could well be faced with a fairly stark ultimatum!

So to my questions:

* I've read contradictory advice. Will the changes be permanent ? Some have said that I will have breasts for as long as I take PM, others have said that once you go beyond 5-6 months then the results will be permanent and will require surgery to remove the breasts.
OK, it will probably take up to about 3 months before you start to feel 'growing pains'. Prior to that, from a couple of weeks in, you will start to notice small changes to the shape of your chest. This is fat deposition patterns changing. This is, as far as we know, entirely reversible. Stop PM and within a few weeks the fat will go back to male pattern. Once the growing pains start, you are on the road to permanence. You will feel a small hard lump behind the nipple which will slowly enlarge. This is actual breast tissue developing and is permanent. If you stop PM you will keep that bit, although again the fat will start to vanish.

* Can I control the size of my breasts by changing the dose so that, in the summer I could reduce the dose so that they are less noticeable and then increase the dose in winter when I can hide them under baggier clothes ?
Simple answer - NO. You are not talking about filling balloons with water and increasing or decreasing the volume.

* If I stop taking PM how do they take to reduce in size ?
The fat will start to move away within a couple of weeks. The permanent growth is permanent

* What does should of PM should I start on ? 2 x 500 mg seems to be the recommended does around here. How much Red Clover should I take ?
Start with 2 x500mg and then slowly work up to 4 x500mg. After that its up to you to experiment. I wouldn't take the RC but I'd suggest about 1800mg SP per day.

* Should I stay on it continuously or stop/start as and when ? I'd be happy be slow growth as the change would be less obvious to others, my wife and son for example.
Growth will be slow anyway, this is a 2 or 3 year journey

* Does anyone have experience of Biovea's brand of PM which is available here in the UK ?
I don't myself, but it is a lot more expensive than other brands. You might want to look at Ainterol and Pueraria.co.uk.
They are all mail order anyway, so it makes no difference from that point of view.


* Will taking PM affect my sex drive and my ability to perform ?
Yes, probably.
You will also probably find that after a few months you lose interest in cross-dressing.
Alternatively, and this is the scary part, you MAY find that your need for the feminine keeps on increasing and you end up going the full TS /GRS route.
There is no way to tell which it will be ahead of it happening.

* Living as I do in the UK there aren't that many opportunities to go to the beach and strip off but how do others manage to live as a man with 36B breasts without attracting unwanted attention ?
Again, simple answer is, You don't. Up to about a B cup, you can probably just about get away with baggy shirts, day-to-day, but unless you don't mind being stared at and giggled about, the pool and the beach are out. I just about managed a summer holiday in Italy last June, but felt self-concious. I'm past that stage now and it's stay-covered holidays in future. It is the big down-side to this.

If my wife or son notices I'm hoping that I can put the changes down to my new fitness regime combined with a bout of Gynecomastia. Is this realistic ?
Only you and your wife can answer that one, I'm afraid. However you really are playing with fire in not telling her what you are doing and she WILL notice eventually. I've known plenty of marriages fail on a simple cross-dressing level, let alone growing boobs.

Hope this helps, but you really MUST think this through and decide whether your marriage is worth risking.