[Pansy-Mae]

I had a great deal of anxiety and other problems from my late teens onward when I thought I must be a homosexual, and it was only in my late thirties that I finally resolved that I was not, and concluded that it might have been an issue of delayed maturity. I now wonder whether what was bothering me was in fact an issue of gender identity. I have always been fascinated by androgyny. Curiously, J. named her parrot Loki, the god of mischief, because we did not then know her sex and Loki the god was androgynous. After 15 years she laid an egg thus settling the matter.

I am surprised to find how many of the genetic males here are over 50, and I wonder whether as in my case their own gender issues only came overtly to the surface as their testosterone levels declined? Moreover unwanted gynaecomastia has become so common amongst aging males, for whatever reason, that it provides camouflage for those of the same age group who welcome and induce or enhance it.

I would also comment that complete erectile disfunction does not necessarily end the physical side of marriage, with goodwill and mutual effort to find a solution. After all, same sex female couples manage to get along fine without that function.

Hi Annabel,

I'm very fortunate in not having the significant health problems that you obviously do have, but other than that I can relate to and agree with much of what you say, even down to a wife with a noisy female parrot!

Interestingly, my COGIATI score was -70 when I took it about a year or so ago, which is pretty close to neutral! My cross-dressing has been spasmodically intense throughout my life - periods when I did it virtually every day, or would have if I could have, and periods of several years at a time when the need vanished completely. It started when I was about 12 and was intense through my teens and continued into my 40's, but despite a fascination for 'sex-change' stories and information, I decided when I was in my early 20's that that path was not for me.
One of the side effects of PM though is that it generally diminishes the cross-dressing urge. We've discussed this here many times and it is pretty general and we've more or less deduced that it is the effect of the increased female hormone level balancing out the inbuilt need to express femininity in the only other visible way possible.

Many people have commented on the mental calming/ anti depressant effect, but neither of these traits have surfaced in me, but then again I've always been fairly laid back and stress free, perhaps that's an effect of being very close to the centre line and balanced.