[bryony]

After reading the things posted after my initial post on this thread, I am somewhat surprised nobody, including me, has said anything about seeking counseling or therapy. So, I'm just throwing this out there, but it might not hurt to find a therapist. Trying to reconcile gender dysphoria against a religion that is very binary in its interpretation of gender and gender roles has to be causing an intense amount of internal conflict. Sure, PM might help ease the feelings of femininity, but it might also intensify them or do nothing. Not everyone experiences brain re-wiring.

Honestly, I'm not sure if I am or am not. I've become a lot more emotional and cry frequently, but this could also be extreme seasonal affective disorder caused by the shifts I've had to work during the time of year when there is the least amount of sunlight (my schedules have just worked out such that I've been deprived of sunlight all winter). It could also just be depression over a number of other things including declining health and a bad performance appraisal at work when I did my job no differently than I did the previous 3 years. Or the loss of my primary relationship and the fact all but one of my friends has ignored my emails. Maybe it is lack of sleep caused partly by my work schedule and the fact it is hard to work graveyard shift in an 8-5 world so I get phone calls while trying to sleep. All I know is I cry more than I used to, and it seemed to start when I started PM.

Oh boy! That's sad news. From what you say, can I suggest that you look for a new job in the 8-5 region for starters? If you are on permanent graveyard shift, that's going to play havoc with your cortisol levels, with general health effects as well as possible weight gain. It won't do depression any good either. Personally, I'd like to see jobs with permanent night work banned... they are just not natural. You might just reverse the declining health problems.

Another thing you might want to try is getting wheat out of your life. Sounds crazy, but there is increasing evidence that wheat (modern wheat at least) is responsible for a whole host of modern illnesses.

It sounds like you don't have any personal commitments.... and your friends are not responsive.... why not take your own advice (kind of) and join a self help therapy group for GD sufferers? You might make new friends? (Of course, the meetings might be during "normal" hours ... another reason to change jobs.)

Of course, I'm making these bold suggestions on the strength of a few paragraphs - feel free to dismiss!

All the best,

Bryony