[GoneGirl]

I'm with you, Cool. The female body and femininity are fascinating. A day doesn't go by without my having thoughts of possessing a woman's body - arms, legs, shoulders, breasts, face.....

Of course, it can never be. I can only dabble on the boundary between fantasy and reality. I feminize my body as much as I can in the real world and fill in the missing pieces with my imagination.

NBE has added to the reality side of my crossdreaming. Breasts are the essence of femininity, and even my modest beginnings have been transformative. The power of testosterone has been supplanted by the power of estrogen, and the combination of the resulting changes in mind and body have a surreal feel about them. I feel like some kind of psychic dislocation has occurred that has thrown off my sense of who I am, where I'm going. Usually the effect is pleasant, sometimes even euphoric, while at other times I feel disoriented and unsettled.

I think about getting off the NBE train before it gets to full speed. Is it better to deal with the devil I used to know, or the one I don't yet know? Maybe the devil I don't yet know is really an angel, a fairy god mother who will save me from my plight.

"Hope springs eternal in the human breast" never seemed a more appropriate phrase to describe where I find myself today.

CK