25-01-2014, 12:10 PM
I was blessed with a high metabolism and good genes, so most of my life have had the opposite weight problem, trying to gain. Not so much these days, but am tweaking, purely for vanity, because I want to look good in tight jeans and an a-line skirt! I've been a size 10 historically, and think I might be pushing the limit right now.
Sarah, honey I know exactly what you are experiencing. 3 years ago, I purged totally, because I was getting more and more "adventurous." For years I was satisfied to dress at home and only go out when there was a TG function, but the urge was stronger and stronger to get all gussied up and go out alone. In small town South Carolina, where I lived at the time, that was just begging for an ass whipping and ostracization. I started by making forays to the mailbox and puttering in the back yard, then going for drives at night, going through the drive thru even when I wasn't hungry.
My therapist and I agreed at the time that it was Lisa trying to get out, be recognized, be noticed, and for Lou to say, "Yes, a part of me is female, bite me world!" I had to make a decision at the time of the impact on career, family, social status, friends, etc. So, I quit, purged, gave up NBE, a beautiful wardrobe, everything feminine...... Yet, here I am again, with Lisa emerging... where the hell is she leading me?
I think my point in all of that is to say, that if "she" is in you, you can push it down, hide it, deny it, but she is still there, lurking.
We're pulling for you Sarah.
LL
Sarah, honey I know exactly what you are experiencing. 3 years ago, I purged totally, because I was getting more and more "adventurous." For years I was satisfied to dress at home and only go out when there was a TG function, but the urge was stronger and stronger to get all gussied up and go out alone. In small town South Carolina, where I lived at the time, that was just begging for an ass whipping and ostracization. I started by making forays to the mailbox and puttering in the back yard, then going for drives at night, going through the drive thru even when I wasn't hungry.
My therapist and I agreed at the time that it was Lisa trying to get out, be recognized, be noticed, and for Lou to say, "Yes, a part of me is female, bite me world!" I had to make a decision at the time of the impact on career, family, social status, friends, etc. So, I quit, purged, gave up NBE, a beautiful wardrobe, everything feminine...... Yet, here I am again, with Lisa emerging... where the hell is she leading me?
I think my point in all of that is to say, that if "she" is in you, you can push it down, hide it, deny it, but she is still there, lurking.
We're pulling for you Sarah.
LL