02-02-2014, 05:57 PM
Oh, Amanda,
Baby, I feel so bad for you. You have a difficult time ahead, from the sound of things. For girls like us these issues are sadly normal more often than not. We must first understand, as I am sure you already know, that this is no easy thing for her, either.
Our society tells people there is something wrong with TG types, and reinforces the practice of belittling us. It also assumes, quite incorrectly, that most of us are also gay, which is a secondary blow but none the less equally important from the perspective of your wife. In her mind, she is dealing with many fears and uncertainties, some rational, others likely not. Both of you have some soul searching to do. It is hard, sweetheart, but unavoidable. At this point cool, hard honesty is the only real way forward.
Let's look at the positives. She sounds to be a wonderful person, with at least a partially open mind, right? It also sounds as though she does love you, as you do her, obviously. Both very good things.
But, I can tell you one thing from my own therapy sessions, and that is that once we begin a journey into self discovery, there really is no way to know where it will end. There just isn't. The human brain is the single most complicated thing yet discovered in the entire universe. We still do not even begin to understand how our minds and hearts really work. Mystery is always with us.
I believe it would be in the best interest of you both to seek good counseling in this time, honey. And you must both be prepared for wherever that may lead. If she truly loves you, and vice versus, then the end will be the best for you both, regardless of what that may be. We cannot always see the rosy valley because of the ugly mountain we must climb to get there.
At this point, though, and before you talk to her, YOU must decide which is most important to you, and what you can really face living with. You must be ruthlessly honest with yourself. If you make quick promises now, in order to solve this problem easily, you may find they will come back to haunt you later. Deep problems never go away unless they are faced, they only become stronger.
I cannot, nor can anyone else in the world, know what is best for you right now. Only you can know that. Answering that is your first challenge, and you must do so knowing that, regardless of your answer, the decision is hers as well. If you really love her, you must, IMO but for the good of you both, be prepared to lose her. False promises made to keep her are not really a sign of your love for her, but rather of your own fear. Sometimes we must recognize that what is best for those that we love, is something we are not able to give. Letting go is sometimes an act of the greatest and most selfless love.
But that may not be necessary, honey.
This is what I would do:
Tell her the truth. Tell her you want to work things out. Tell her you honestly do not know what is ahead. But tell her she is your best friend, and the most important person in the world to you. Tell her the future is a mystery, but that you do not want to face that mystery without her by your side. Ask her to face it with you, bravely, and with counseling for the both of you. Tell her she is the world to you and that you can overcome this challenge, wherever it leads, if she will just remember that you are still the person she loves, if only she will take your hand and try.
That is what I would do. I am afraid only you can decide what you will do.
Chin up. The sun will still come up tomorrow. All we can ever do, is our best.
Honey, I wish you ALL the best in this.
We are here for you.
Hugs
Baby, I feel so bad for you. You have a difficult time ahead, from the sound of things. For girls like us these issues are sadly normal more often than not. We must first understand, as I am sure you already know, that this is no easy thing for her, either.
Our society tells people there is something wrong with TG types, and reinforces the practice of belittling us. It also assumes, quite incorrectly, that most of us are also gay, which is a secondary blow but none the less equally important from the perspective of your wife. In her mind, she is dealing with many fears and uncertainties, some rational, others likely not. Both of you have some soul searching to do. It is hard, sweetheart, but unavoidable. At this point cool, hard honesty is the only real way forward.
Let's look at the positives. She sounds to be a wonderful person, with at least a partially open mind, right? It also sounds as though she does love you, as you do her, obviously. Both very good things.
But, I can tell you one thing from my own therapy sessions, and that is that once we begin a journey into self discovery, there really is no way to know where it will end. There just isn't. The human brain is the single most complicated thing yet discovered in the entire universe. We still do not even begin to understand how our minds and hearts really work. Mystery is always with us.
I believe it would be in the best interest of you both to seek good counseling in this time, honey. And you must both be prepared for wherever that may lead. If she truly loves you, and vice versus, then the end will be the best for you both, regardless of what that may be. We cannot always see the rosy valley because of the ugly mountain we must climb to get there.
At this point, though, and before you talk to her, YOU must decide which is most important to you, and what you can really face living with. You must be ruthlessly honest with yourself. If you make quick promises now, in order to solve this problem easily, you may find they will come back to haunt you later. Deep problems never go away unless they are faced, they only become stronger.
I cannot, nor can anyone else in the world, know what is best for you right now. Only you can know that. Answering that is your first challenge, and you must do so knowing that, regardless of your answer, the decision is hers as well. If you really love her, you must, IMO but for the good of you both, be prepared to lose her. False promises made to keep her are not really a sign of your love for her, but rather of your own fear. Sometimes we must recognize that what is best for those that we love, is something we are not able to give. Letting go is sometimes an act of the greatest and most selfless love.
But that may not be necessary, honey.
This is what I would do:
Tell her the truth. Tell her you want to work things out. Tell her you honestly do not know what is ahead. But tell her she is your best friend, and the most important person in the world to you. Tell her the future is a mystery, but that you do not want to face that mystery without her by your side. Ask her to face it with you, bravely, and with counseling for the both of you. Tell her she is the world to you and that you can overcome this challenge, wherever it leads, if she will just remember that you are still the person she loves, if only she will take your hand and try.
That is what I would do. I am afraid only you can decide what you will do.
Chin up. The sun will still come up tomorrow. All we can ever do, is our best.
Honey, I wish you ALL the best in this.
We are here for you.
Hugs