[Lisa Lou]

My mother was the strong type. Ran the household, managed the finances, raised the kids. She was someone I looked up to. My father was the breadwinner, steady and reliable. He was someone I looked up to.

They had a rocky marriage, however. I dare say they hated each other.

Did my mother, in that context, affect my feminine gender leanings? Maybe, but I doubt it. I believe her influence on my gender identity all happened in the womb. Post birth, who can say to what extent?

Clara

Damn, Clara, as the onion is peeled, another layer of our similar backgrounds. I can say ditto on your description of your mom and dad, except for the “hating” each other. Mine loved each other deeply, for 70 years of marriage, the best that they knew how. My father grew up in a cold, conservative religious home, with a tyrant for a father and an overbearing mother. My mother was the quintessential ‘daddy’s girl.’ In the eyes of their parents, neither was good enough for the other, for much different reasons. My dad was a bit of a lady’s man… no, that’s not true. My dad was a pussy hound. I understand now, that a catalyst for his actions was the result of PTSD from WW II. Of course, no one knew what that was back then. He loved my mother, but could not be monogamous. So my mother devoted her time and energy to her home and her children.
I have written elsewhere that I was the youngest of 3 children with two older sisters, 7 and 9 years older than me, and the youngest of 16 grandchildren for my maternal grandmother. I was the baby, the “golden child,” as one of my ex-wives referred to me.
My dad was gone a lot, working and “working,” so my mother, sisters and grandmother filled the void. My mother was the typical upper middle class housewife, stay at home mom of the 50s and 60s… she would have been given Donna Reed a run for her money! (kudos to those of you who get it!) My sisters took over when they got home from school and during the summers, and my grandmother popped in almost daily. I grew up listening to and watching them. They were my role models. When I was too old for my sisters to play dress up with me, I took to raiding the hamper in the bathroom and when I was left alone their dresser drawers to dress myself… ah, but that’s another story….
I have no idea about genetic predisposition, or the fetal/testosterone/womb theory, but I do know that my attitudes toward women and men, my core view of myself as a person and a sexual being, and the ability I have always had to empathize (and sympathize) with women more than men is a direct result of the impact that my mother, sisters, and grandmother had on me.
I could go on and on about how many mannerisms I learned, speech patterns, and probably thought patterns are directly attributable to their influence on me. Are those things typically male? No. Are some of them considered feminine by others? Occasionally. Have I spent my life mimicking male behavior that I learned from my father and other males that played a significant role in my life? Yes. Have I been comfortable doing that? Mostly not. So now, at this stage of my life, the question I must answer is how far do I go in pursuing me? I guess all I can say my sisters, is, “stay tuned!”