(08-03-2014, 02:20 AM)ClaraKay Wrote: I've never thought of myself as having "suffered" gender dysphoria in my past life. Maybe it was because my defense mechanisms were so ingrained within my subconscious. Maybe it was because my female gender identity is not as strong as those who do experience dysphoria. Maybe I developed behaviors and had safety valves that allowed me live out the male gender roll despite being a MTF crossdreamer.
Sometimes I think I have more signs of gender dysphoria, as of late -- since acknowledging my female identity. Yes, I am happier on a day to day basis, but in the background, I feel a kind of frustration at attempts to bring my female gender identity fantasy world into the real world.
One thing that is very obvious to me and my wife is how much time I devote to my female gender these days. I spend way more time on it than I did on fantasy masturbation in the past. Am I just making up for lost time? Will things settle down to a stable mixed gender routine eventually?
Something is missing, and I don't know what it is. It's not enough to develop breasts. It's not enough to dress as a woman, don a wig, and makeup my face to appear more feminine. It's not enough that my wife is understanding and supportive of my crossgender ways. This situation is beginning to bother me, and so, in that respect, I'm still experiencing mental discomfort, a kind of mild dysphoria or dissonance.
Do any of you guys/girls have similar feelings now or in the past? What have you done to address those feelings? Is this a sign that further transitioning is needed? As we integrate our female genders into our lifestyles, shouldn't there be a sense of relief and empowerment as the process goes forward?
Clara (having one of those questioning days again)
(08-03-2014, 02:20 AM)ClaraKay Wrote: One thing that is very obvious to me and my wife is how much time I devote to my female gender these days. I spend way more time on it than I did on fantasy masturbation in the past. Am I just making up for lost time? Will things settle down to a stable mixed gender routine eventually?
(08-03-2014, 02:20 AM)ClaraKay Wrote: Something is missing, and I don't know what it is. It's not enough to develop breasts. It's not enough to dress as a woman, don a wig, and makeup my face to appear more feminine. It's not enough that my wife is understanding and supportive of my crossgender ways. This situation is beginning to bother me, and so, in that respect, I'm still experiencing mental discomfort, a kind of mild dysphoria or dissonance.
Do any of you guys/girls have similar feelings now or in the past? What have you done to address those feelings? Is this a sign that further transitioning is needed? As we integrate our female genders into our lifestyles, shouldn't there be a sense of relief and empowerment as the process goes forward?
(01-03-2014, 08:18 PM)ClaraKay Wrote: Flame, dear, you don't strike me as one who suffers even an ounce of dysphoria concerning your gender identity.
(08-03-2014, 02:20 AM)ClaraKay Wrote: ***Abridged****
Something is missing, and I don't know what it is. It's not enough to develop breasts. It's not enough to dress as a woman, don a wig, and makeup my face to appear more feminine. It's not enough that my wife is understanding and supportive of my crossgender ways. This situation is beginning to bother me, and so, in that respect, I'm still experiencing mental discomfort, a kind of mild dysphoria or dissonance.
Do any of you guys/girls have similar feelings now or in the past? What have you done to address those feelings? Is this a sign that further transitioning is needed? As we integrate our female genders into our lifestyles, shouldn't there be a sense of relief and empowerment as the process goes forward?
(08-03-2014, 02:20 AM)ClaraKay Wrote: Do any of you guys/girls have similar feelings now or in the past? What have you done to address those feelings? Is this a sign that further transitioning is needed? As we integrate our female genders into our lifestyles, shouldn't there be a sense of relief and empowerment as the process goes forward?
(08-03-2014, 08:56 AM)flamesabers Wrote: Phrased differently, imagine a generic situation in which a person thinks if he can achieve x,y, and z, his life will be dramatically better. He achieves his goals, but then still feels unhappy, perhaps as a result of putting too much emotional investment into how much better his life should have been after he completed his goals.
(08-03-2014, 04:29 PM)ClaraKay Wrote: Flame, you raise some interesting and useful points that I've been pondering. I envy your assuredness in your gender identity.
(08-03-2014, 04:33 PM)Kari Leigh Doodlebug Wrote: This came to me like a firecracker as soon as I read your post Clara. I don't like to admit it but initially, there was a thrill with all the NBE, cross dressing activities that was similar to the sexual thrill I got from all the "extra curricular" (P&M) activities I used to do. The thrill of deviant activities was replaced (for a while) by the thrill of openly cross dressing in front of my wife, NBE and admitting I am transgender. I forget how long it lasted but it wasn't indefinite. It's like, even though my sex drive was pummeled by NBE, my mental sexual habits still demanded a "fix" of some sort before they too subsided. Then I found myself in a place where cross dressing was a peaceful, relaxing activity that I didn't HAVE to do but rather enjoyed. Eventually that gave way to what it is now, just a basic desire to incorporate more feminine / gender neutral attire into my daily life to satisfy the girl inside.