[Nadi]

Congratulations Caylee! It sounds very good that you have found a great place with Bingo.

You are on the right track and are lucky to have such a supportive wife. You will see that your self-confidence will grow with every positive experience. At some point, it will be completely natural for you to be out and about as a woman.

Have a wonderful weekend!

[Heaven's Night]

I've been following this thread for quite some time. And I see lovely outfits and pretty pictures and one very classy lady. Actually two. Putting effort on the performative side of womanhood helps a ton with so much, that's been on my agenda this year a whole lot, although I did the crazy way with it, I didn't put in so much effort until I could easily pass almost perfectly. My thinking was that I have to, if poeple wont read me correctly without crazy effort, then the effort isn't worth the trouble.

Way of lesser pain is to go all in with the things we can easily deal with and that's so much fun. Btw, that floral dress is so cute, I could wear one of those and with same colourscheme.

[OOO]

How to pass, it’s not working well but I must continue on working to gain the confidence.  It’s not easy but it’s a painful part of transitioning. Everyone before me has been through it and I must pay my dues and find a look I can live with.

My wife tells me not to over dress and dress for the crowd around you, the better you blend into the crowd the easier it will be for you to pass. She say I’m doing fine as it’s a work in progress.  Here is another attempt at an everyday look.

   

[Heaven's Night]

Becoming undetactable is quite a job to do. Blending in works the best. The way it seems to go is kinda strange, its like a checklist people have in their minds and when enough boxes are ticked, they read us right and everybody has a slightly different list to check boxes on. Advice like dress to your age, for the occasion and location etc. are good ones as its all aiming for blending in. 

I have went weirdly the other way as some times I get dolled up and totally not dress my age and end up pulling attention instead of being invisible. Also I often dress up much more feminine than most Finnish women do, people here are very casual and laid back in their daily lives, so anything a bit more dolled up sticks out. I have been very lucky with it as I pass perfectly at all times regardless of what I'm wearing, but I'm a bit of an outlier with this.

Then there's the huge huge part of what makes or breaks, your voice is super important! Even if everything else is spot on, having a too deep voice can mess it all up right away, so voice training is very important and vocal chord surgery if needed. Another is body proportions, this is a nasty one because most trans women don't have much hips to mention about and that's what helps so much, even more than boobs, but the moment your body shape starts to register as female all the time, it gets super easy. Along with that clothes start to fit better, there's a reason for why womens clothes have certain designs in them. I've fallen in love with dresses as they now fit so well. This is where BN forum becomes invaluable of course.

Anyway, details are important. Voice is a huge factor. Body shape is another and the rest is a skill that can be practiced and learned.

[Vijfsnippervijf]

Welcome! I hope you find exactly what you need here!

[Nadi]

Didi! Thank you so much for your kind words! 
I particularly appreciate this, as you are a real icon for me here and I admire your progress immensely. And of course I envy you for your fantastic cleavage 

Passing is of course a very important point for us girls. Yes, Caylee, your wife is absolutely right that it's not helpful to be overdressed and it's better to blend into the crowd. But like you, Didi, I sometimes have a lot of fun dolling myself up and dressing more feminine than the other women. It always depends on the circumstances. If I'm just going shopping with a friend, I try to dress feminine but inconspicuously. In the evening or, for example, at the shoot that I keep showing you photos of, it can also be a cute floral dress.

That's right Didi, the voice is super important. Luckily mine isn't very deep, but I could practise more to get a proper female pronunciation. I try not to speak excessively high though, as that sounds even more like a caricature. Anyway, I don't get any reactions from the people I speak to.

I also think two other points are important: firstly, how you move and walk. And secondly, being self-confident and keeping your composure, looking people in the eye and not looking shyly at the ground.

Working on my body proportions is the main reason why I do NBE. I'm less interested in big breasts than in wider hips that give me the right curves and make me forget my broad shoulders.

Here's another photo from the shoot with the pretty photographer where I wore the cute floral dress. I also think it would look great on you, Didi. 

[Heaven's Night]

That's dress is really pretty. Its a bit similar to something I have, but more colourful and doesn't have a V-neck.

With voice, what makes it is to get resonance right. That's done with slightly raising the larynx and then controlling mouth/throat space, smaller space turns into brighter resonance. This is more important than pitch, resonance could be called "voice colour" to make more sense to it. Pitch kinda goes hand in hand with resonance but they're formed separately. This is where a typical trans voice goes wrong, high pitch with deep resonance doesn't sound right. And then there's speech mannerisms which depend on language and culture. For example, when I speak in English, I don't sound as feminine as most American English speakers do, but in Finnish my voice blends in perfectly and is brighter and higher than many other Finnish women.

There's really a fine line between getting dolled up and flamboyant and over dressing. But this stuff is all a skill anyone can learn. Trying things out is the way to get there. Oh and more feminine changes happen, easier it becomes to dress up in a fancy way without standing out in a bad way. For me last about a year + first part of the lipo contouring surgery made a huge change. Again the importance of body prorpotions is a big deal, not only for culling dysphoria, but 100% for being passable and pretty and having more choice on chothing too.

Awww, thank you.  I want to be helpful and share the journey with everybody here, BN is such unique community, something about this crazy bunch keeps me posting more. And I promised to stick around unlike most who transition and then disappear into the woodwork.

[OOO]

Nadi and DiDi

Nadi you look stunning and beautiful as always.

  You and DiDi bring so many more hurdles into the journey.  I know you two have already payed your dues and deserve every thing you have accomplished and I admire both of you for that.  But I want the same and that’s why your advice and encouragement helps more than you and DiDi can imagine.  

Being the ugly duckling is very humbling. I am determined to finish this journey with success.

I will never give up!
Caylee

[Heaven's Night]

Caylee, you know what the ugly duckling turns into? Its a common story among trans women. When I started out I thought I could never even pass in public, I thought I couldn't train my voice into female range, I never dreamed of this kind of body changes. I'm an outlier with the latter, but there's so much that I've accomplished against all odds and if I can make this happen and mostly do it on my own, then you and anybody else can too. Its a slow grind, but baby steps turn into crazy voyage... Which in the end is quite rewarding. Peace of mind.

[OOO]

Thank you!!!

To accomplish what you and Nadi have, and with peace of mind would go a very long way towards repairing what went wrong at birth. Rest assured I will stay the course and never give up. Your words of advice and wisdom keep me going.

Always
Caylee