[HelloDiDi]

I'm having a bad day. Dysphoria being worse than for quite a while... I've been crying my eyes out and I'm very close on deleting all my socials and pictures and everything. I should stay away from all the internet bullshit. After almost a week of feeling nearly euphoric all the time I get this shit again. If I wasn't so much online, I could actually pretend to be alright. I need a hug... And cup of coffee and some comfort food.

[Beth14]

I am sorry to hear all the negative stuff that’s just not cool.  I hope you are feeling better

[Billie]

I want to say you are a mentor for me. When I read and look at your posts I get information for my breast growth and emotional growth. I imagine having breasts as large as you mine are 44 D now. I upgraded my Noogleberry size this week. You have talked about how you use them. Even when you have emotional issues I feel like I am right there having some issues too. Plus you have great clothes knowledge one thing I need help with.

[HelloDiDi]

Awww, thank you.  

I'm trying to be helpful with sharing my experience... Which I think is good thing to do as its somewhat unique in some aspects. Also I don't want to hide behind a facade of fake positivity, or to make this look like its nothing but rosy rainbow tinted highlight after highlight. Quite the opposite, doing NBE is the fun part, but transition in its entirety is like trying to run in a swamp. Its far less glamorous than what I was taught to believe.

Btw, its eigth day post op and today is the first one I'm pushing through without a single painkiller so far, I might take one before sleep as it always gets worse towards the night. Antibiotic ran out yesterday morning so that's dealt with.

Swelling keeps going down. My breasts have lost some volume which I think has been mostly swelling also. I've been drinking a lot of water and also pineapplejuice to help get rid of the extra fluids I've been carrying around. Bruising is on its last legs, most is pale yellow remnants of dead blood cells and that's it. Wounds are healing well, several stiches look like my body is really wanting to reject them soon, no signs of infection anywhere. I did massage of the lipo areas today twice and its painful but there's also really juicy deep itch all over me which is fantastic sign. Massage also feels great as I can tell how I'm geeting blood flowing in there. My surgeon spoke about lymphatic massage for helping lipo recovery, but I'm not aware which spots those would be for flanks, back and tummy.

So far I'm extremely pleased with the results. I'm restarting some NBE stuffs today and tomorrow, for Prog cream I have to wait for a bit as iHerb was out of stock.

[Mashtenn]

I have to agree with what Billie said.  It is such a shame that there is someone asking you for photos and such.  It is a support group with those who share their experiences.  You have given me insight and knowledge as I continue with my NBE.  I'm glad that your postop is going well.  Wishing you the best.

[Cindy39]

A BIG Hug coming your way!
I have been different all my life. I have Never fallen into the 'norm'. I do what I like regardless of what people think. This can cause problems when I do not conform to popular thinking. I have used 2 words to divert this obvious attempt to scorn me and my thinking and separate it from me. Those words are "Oh Well"!. In other words, "That your problem not mine and I am not going to let your thinking undermine me."
You are traveling down the road I wanted to travel down when I was your age and never did. I am 70 years old now and starting out on PM. I suppose I can get away with it now because of my age. 
Someone once said, 'People can't make you feel inferior. It is us who allow those people to make us inferior'. It sounds like you know what you want in life and are working towards that goal. That is your focus and should stay on that focus not what these piss ants try to make you feel. You are in control as seen by your journey.  It takes a great resolve to do what you are doing. Never allow others to control you. Dismiss them with, 'Oh well' and know who you are.
I am sure I speak for many of us here and say, 'Keep up the good work'! 

[HelloDiDi]

Thanks for the support, I needed it. I'm having about third day of extremely dysphoric spiral going on. Brought on by the eternal love of the internet of course. Realisation how ugly, worthless, shapeless I am in relation to almost all cis women who are naturally so perfect and I feel like shit despite working so hard to make it better. Its like the complete opposite of the euphoria of last week. I know this makes no sense, but this is how my mind works, this is what dysphoria mated with twisted body image does and I need help from others with this. I can't see the changes well when I'm feeling like this...

I tried my bra on first time today, just ten minutes to snap some pictures. Its totally not fitting, band is too loose because I've lost stuff from my back just where the bra bands sits, but cups aren't too big either, its like I gained nothing except a change of shape and I'm feeling terrible about it. Like nothing changed... But I know better of course, I lost bust and band measurement, but gained breast volume. That means band has gone down and cup has gone up. It just still feels like a defeat obviously. I can't take anything but perfection because I'm horrendously harsh on myself.

Also I'm having so much swelling going on I have no idea how I will end up looking like. I took pictures, I forced myself to, I'm feeling absolutely terrible but I'm posting these so that you could see and tell me the things I'm not seeing at the moment. Please help out, I'm blinded by dysphoria so badly I feel like nothing's better than before. I guess this is my post op depression then or something.






I feel absolutely terrible even posting anything today and I hate these pictures. I feel like I'm still all the same. Please tell me I'm wrong, tell me what you're seeing what I can't.

[BlackButterfly]

Sending you a big 



Hope I'm wrong, but, I'm getting some bad vibes from a couple of recent threads/posts on the forum, so I'm backing away for a while. 
Keep safe all 

[HelloDiDi]

I deleted my IG. I'm deleting more, I can't take it any more.... I'm too ugly and disgusting and too hurt and broken to take this internet SIMS shite any more. I need a break, I'm having such meltdown its crazy. I'm hurting so much, three days of buildup into this now. I'm crying so much my neck is hurting...

[Leggy]

If only there was someway I could help but besides sharing my honest opinion. When I see your pictures I see a beautiful woman and I wish you could see what I see. Please don't be harsh on yourself. *Hugs* I hope you feel better soon.