I don't see transgenderism being an all or nothing situation the way homosexuality is. I think one is best off easing into a crossgender role. In that way, your mom will see changes occurring over a long period and have time to adapt to your new gender expression. Grow your hair out, wear an ear ring, shave your chest hair, wear clothes that hint of the feminine, start on a low level of NBE herbs, start using feminine verbal expressions, the list goes on.

At some point, your mom may comment on some change you make. That an opportunity to engage in a conversation to learn more about her feelings and let her know yours.

I bet that over a year's time span, you could be living the life of a woman to some degree with the full knowledge and acceptance/toleration of your mom.

Waiting to hear from you.

Hugs,

Clara

this is the kind of almost painfully slow approach I am testing on my parents & Relitives.

Yes, and I'll use the same approach with my children and relatives. I came out suddenly to my wife. It worked out well, fortunately. I could do the same with others, but there's no need since I've no plans to go transsexual.

My son was over yesterday. I was wearing a T-shirt for awhile so my breasts and especially my pointy nipples showed through. He must have noticed, but didn't say anything, nor did he show signs of uneasiness. What people think is only important if they have the ability to make our lives difficult.

I have a lesbian niece. She announced her sexual orientation with no outward expression of disapproval from relatives. I realize that homosexuality has gained a level of acceptance in society that transgenderism hasn't, but I do think much of our fear is just imagined. It's still a risk to come out, so it's wise to have a backup plan in case things go sour.

Clara

I want to thank you all for responding. Thank You. I'm dealing with this the best and only way I can.. slowly. I'm no longer taking any herbals as of right now (and YES herbals DO work, the pain in your nipples is a sure sign, have had plenty of growth in my breasts, hips, thighs, loss of muscle mass and have become much more feminine). I'm looking for a therapist to help me understand my feelings. I came out to my Aunt and my cousin (who thought she was gay, and possibly FtM) and a few other friends about my feelings and told them I was going to continue to explore this. My cousin of course is by biggest supporter and is such an amazing person. She's still battling with her identity and since I came out to her she's finding it easier to cope with her situation so we're helping each other. I still can't find the courage to tell my Mom and sister. I want to have some time with a therapist to maybe help me ease this on my family. I'm trying to do this as responsibly as I can. It's very easy to say fuck you all this is me, quite another when I value the other lives around me. I'm going to do what I have to do for my own well being but I need the other, most important, people in my life to be on board or at least be aware of what I'm doing. I love them and they need to know. It's frustrating and immensely difficult but this needs to be done for ME. If I'm disowned by my mom and sis, I have my Aunt and cousin. I'm hoping after some time I can at least have my sister in my corner. She's beautiful and would be a great help to get me moving in the right direction. I can go on and on for days with this reply but am going to cut off right here. My self-esteem is not an issue nor has it ever been. I was always and am (for now) cute. 35 years old but look like a teenager. I don't imagine hrt will be that hard on me because only 3 months of herbals really showed their worth. Maybe my testoterone is just super-low? Therapy will help me find myself. Doctors will help me get the meds I need to BE myself. I thank you all for letting me air my laundry, responding, offering me your ear, etc... I have some things to take care of in the next coming weeks and I will keep you posted. Thank you all. Jen.

Best of luck, sweetheart! I hope it all works out. We are here for you if you need us.

It's always hard to know how to come out about one's gender identity to loved ones. I'm sorry we weren't able to give you the help you need. I guess when it comes down to it, you are in the best position to make that assessment. Your plan to work with a therapist first is probably a good decision. I can't really fathom your mother and sister "disowning" you. I know it happens, but, gosh, do they love you or not? I think it's more a matter of how easily they will adjust to the new you.

Yes, definitely keep in touch, and good luck in the weeks ahead.

Hugs,
Clara

Hmmm,

So I came out to my sister and she was all supportive. But her ruse was she needed to borrow money. Since, she's been distant and weird toward me. Now she's "trying to find the strength to deal with it". "We'll talk in person". She says. I can fully understand why many Trans people commit suicide. This is not me. I am strong. This is my life, one chance. Family or not, accept me as I am or fuck off. I am going to do what I have to do for me. This is MY WORLD AS I MAKE IT!!

Everyone here has been supportive and amazing and I thank you all. I don't go to trans sights because of bitterness. Anyone going through any type of gender issues needs support and I feel empowered to be me because of all of you.

I thank you all.
Many hugs and Kisses.
Jenny.

Sadly, it's a good way to find out who your TRUE friends are and who TRULY loves you!! Oddly, even if you're NOT TS, you can still use this method to find out who's really with you all the way!! Cut away the flotsam and keep the TRUE GOOD people!

Sadly, it's a good way to find out who your TRUE friends are and who TRULY loves you!! Oddly, even if you're NOT TS, you can still use this method to find out who's really with you all the way!! Cut away the flotsam and keep the TRUE GOOD people!

Problem with that is when you know that the ones you care about the most are also the ones most likely to throw you to the wolves without even an attempt to understand your situation (mostly out of fear driven by nonsensical "societal norms").

People all have issues. All of them. When you have friends and family in your life about whom you care, it is not easy approaching them. Often, each one must be considered and dealt with individually. Some will react exactly as you expect but others will not. Some will be supportive and others will not, each according to where they are.
With some people you can simply express your own need and that person will have the resources to process the news well. Others do not possess those resources. In those cases, sadly, in addition to considering our own needs we also have to be the adult in the room for the other person, and help them to overcome how our news affects their issues.
Sadly again, there are some who will never overcome those issues. Many people have difficulty accepting that they might be wrong. Maybe the person who can accept that is actually a minority...IDK. Regardless, when you reveal extremely personal things about yourself, such as GID, it is wise to be prepared fully for the worst. You may have to accept that some people you love are not capable of accepting you, and when that happens the only thing you can do is sigh, shed a tear for them and their issues,...and move on. You cannot help people who refuse help. Sometimes even love and wisdom are not enough. Sigh...

Sadly again, there are some who will never overcome those issues. Many people have difficulty accepting that they might be wrong. Maybe the person who can accept that is actually a minority...IDK. Regardless, when you reveal extremely personal things about yourself, such as GID, it is wise to be prepared fully for the worst. You may have to accept that some people you love are not capable of accepting you, and when that happens the only thing you can do is sigh, shed a tear for them and their issues,...and move on. You cannot help people who refuse help. Sometimes even love and wisdom are not enough. Sigh...

I haven't faced the prospect of 'coming out' to people except to my wife, which worked out well in the end, but the process of getting there was stressful and accompanied by a feeling of vulnerability. She would echo the same sentiments on her part. It's not easy baring your soul in that way. It throws into question the whole matter of who really are.

I watched several transgender documentaries and movies of a serious nature before sitting down with my wife and I think that helped prepare me for the range of emotions and reactions that one is likely to encounter. The thread on recommended movies provides the titles of many of them, and I encourage you to spend time watching what is depicted from a dramatic Hollywood perspective. Actually, the coming out and ensuing transition is usually dramatic in real life, as well. Judging by these movies (which could be misleading) it is usually a parent who has the most difficulty accepting one's trans nature. Somehow it reflects back on them. The disappointment and guilt is often too much to bear.

My favorites:
1. Becoming Chaz (FTM)
2. Red with Blue (MTF + gay)
3. Normal (older MTF coming out + transition)
4. Trans America (MTF pre-op)
5. Lawrence Anyways (MTF )

Clara

Sadly, it's a good way to find out who your TRUE friends are and who TRULY loves you!! Oddly, even if you're NOT TS, you can still use this method to find out who's really with you all the way!! Cut away the flotsam and keep the TRUE GOOD people!

Problem with that is when you know that the ones you care about the most are also the ones most likely to throw you to the wolves without even an attempt to understand your situation (mostly out of fear driven by nonsensical "societal norms").

I know! It sucks, doesn't it?
My friend, Carla, lost her entire family except for her big brother and her daughter, when she told them she wanted a sex change. Her dad used to beat her up for being a sissy and trying all sorts of brutal and stupid way to make a man out of her!!
Lol. Try this one!! About a decade ago, I was going somewhere with my aunt and I was always wearing very short cut-off jean shorts. As we were walking off the front porch, she said that if I went with her in those shorts, I wouldn't be her nephew anymore!! People are SOOOOO closed-minded and ready to even KILL someone, even their own kin, just because of the clothes one chooses to wear!!!! How VERY sad!!!!