[myboobs]

Hello -

I am a 57 year old male who has discovered this site in roundabout way. I am completely at ease with my sexuality… except I’ve recently been trying to figure out what it is - in comparison to others.
I’ve just found out that I’m unusual.

I cannot be gay, since I have never had an erotic feeling about another male for a moment in my entire life, and suspect I never could for any amount of trying.
It appears that I cannot be bi-sexual, for the same reason.
I like being male. Only… I also want to be female. I adore the female body so much that I want to have one.

Most of my life, having a female mate provided to me the object of my adoration. But, being now into my 6th year of a sexless marriage, I have become aware of an adaptation I’ve made. My wife of 20 years developed a hostility towards sex which is irreconcilable. So, instead of seeking divorce, I embrace my inner female.

This has not produced any major personal gender identity struggle that I’m aware of. When I’m feeling sexual and feminine at the same time, I totally want to be in the receiving role. Yet, other than for male genitals, I cannot find a male body attractive, let alone a typically male ego. Go figure.

Which brings me to this site. I have yet to find any other forum that seems to fit my particular slant. Everything else I’ve seen about feminization has to do with “forced” or “dominant” or sissification as a form of degradation or subservience. That is definitely not my world. Fem means love, and love means respect - in my world.

And yes, I am SO tempted to grow breasts. I want to be female in private, and male in public.

Breasts, however, could prove mighty inconvenient for me most of the time, when I present as all-male.
Nevertheless, Life-Flo makes an interesting progesterone/estriol cream that I just can’t resist rubbing on my tits each night.
After a year or more, I notice I have gotten steady breast growth. And, instead of getting scared and stopping, I admire my titties in the mirror and tell myself “just a little more, it’s reversible”. I don’t know, maybe it’s not. Now, to add to my folly, and to my private pleasures, I’ve started using Kangzhu breast enlargers and a cupping kit to lavish upon my nipples (and other special places). I’m now aware of my breasts all of the time. They’re growing faster, and I’m not sure I want to stop.

It seems I fit in, at this site.

i can relate to that

[PleasantlyFascinated]

The unexpected male niche on this site is proving to be the best resource I’ve ever found. It is helping me clarify a few things for myself.

Though, I begin to fear that I have very little business in posting here, amongst genuine gender identity pioneers. I suspect I am a mere dabbler in self feminization, and do so only as a result of thwarted sexual expression. I do not want to bore or annoy individuals who have very real issues, of which I am not mindful, and probably do not suffer. But, I want to find a circle of kindred spirits, and would like to believe I can somewhat find that here. I admit to hoping for guidance from the open minded, accepting individuals who post here, since it is unlikely that any other group of people would even have the capacity to understand me.

Though recognizing I’ve always possessed a small level of transgender fascination, it has always been some sort of recessive trait, requiring little if anything in the way of expression.
Hence, I’ve had little need to determine its underlying source or meaning. The long-term repressed frustration I have, from living in a sexless marriage, has now brought my latent predilection to the forefront. I now have a side to me that I don’t really know what I want to do with. I don’t want to stifle it, I want to celebrate it, but how?

Yes, I am reaching out for encouragement and suggestions, since I have overdone the living in self-imposed isolation, within a very dysfunctional marriage. For me, anything worth doing is worth overdoing. My attempts to sort out my life and my unfortunate marriage without the support of others has been no exception. I’ve taken social isolation beyond where I probably should have, and now I need to reach out, before my life is over.

[pom19]

Dear PleasantlyFascinated, Emerson reminds us: “Do the thing and you shall have the power.”

[myboobs]

The unexpected male niche on this site is proving to be the best resource I’ve ever found. It is helping me clarify a few things for myself.

Though, I begin to fear that I have very little business in posting here, amongst genuine gender identity pioneers. I suspect I am a mere dabbler in self feminization, and do so only as a result of thwarted sexual expression. I do not want to bore or annoy individuals who have very real issues, of which I am not mindful, and probably do not suffer. But, I want to find a circle of kindred spirits, and would like to believe I can somewhat find that here. I admit to hoping for guidance from the open minded, accepting individuals who post here, since it is unlikely that any other group of people would even have the capacity to understand me.

Though recognizing I’ve always possessed a small level of transgender fascination, it has always been some sort of recessive trait, requiring little if anything in the way of expression.
Hence, I’ve had little need to determine its underlying source or meaning. The long-term repressed frustration I have, from living in a sexless marriage, has now brought my latent predilection to the forefront. I now have a side to me that I don’t really know what I want to do with. I don’t want to stifle it, I want to celebrate it, but how?

Yes, I am reaching out for encouragement and suggestions, since I have overdone the living in self-imposed isolation, within a very dysfunctional marriage. For me, anything worth doing is worth overdoing. My attempts to sort out my life and my unfortunate marriage without the support of others has been no exception. I’ve taken social isolation beyond where I probably should have, and now I need to reach out, before my life is over.

This forum is an umbrella of a large spectrum and no one judges people here . No two people have same issue but we all are in the same boat , so to say . So welcome

[GoneGirl]

I detect in your words a lot of my own confusion about my sexuality and gender identity when I first came here looking for answers. I was drawn by the claim made on another site that PM (Pueraria Mirifica) brought a degree of mental peace to crossdreamers like me, so I got a couple month's supply of Ainterol R1 and took 2000 mg dose daily. What it did was separate the gender identity issue from the sexual arousal factor associated with feminization. Truly amazing stuff that PM. Learned that I do have a transgender personality -- big time. It changed my life and I couldn't be happier. Forget all the preconditions you want to place on yourself. If you have a feminine brain poisoned in a sea of testosterone, you are in for quite a surprise when you remedy the situation with PM.

If I'm wrong, it'll be revealed within a few weeks. Try it.

Clara

[PleasantlyFascinated]

Wow…
Thanks for the encouragement.

I wish there was a spa and retreat somewhere where I could go and give it a nice test run. I’d have to take a long vacation to try it.

For the emergency service work have to do for my job, I rely on my testosterone to fulfill the superhero role, and get the job done. Out of the entire service force, of which there are hundreds nationally, there has never been a woman, not in 30 years. The work really is that unappealing to the feminine psyche.

I’ve laid off the estriol/progesterone cream for a few days, and it’s remarkable how different I feel. I feel more psychologically capable to tolerate stress, and at the same time feel restless and vigorous. I wouldn’t have thought the tiny transdermal amounts of weak estrogen and progesterone I’m getting could produce such profound effects, but they sure seem to. Unless it's my own hormonal rhythms driving my desire for the topical cream.

I’m guessing PM would really rock my boat.

[GoneGirl]

Wow…
Thanks for the encouragement.

I wish there was a spa and retreat somewhere where I could go and give it a nice test run. I’d have to take a long vacation to try it.

For the emergency service work have to do for my job, I rely on my testosterone to fulfill the superhero role, and get the job done. Out of the entire service force, of which there are hundreds nationally, there has never been a woman, not in 30 years. The work really is that unappealing to the feminine psyche.

I’ve laid off the estriol/progesterone cream for a few days, and it’s remarkable how different I feel. I feel more psychologically capable to tolerate stress, and at the same time feel restless and vigorous. I wouldn’t have thought the tiny transdermal amounts of weak estrogen and progesterone I’m getting could produce such profound effects, but they sure seem to. Unless it's my own hormonal rhythms driving my desire for the topical cream.

I’m guessing PM would really rock my boat.

Yes, it has the potential to change your life for better or for worse. A small increase in estrogen level might help you, though, while not adversely affecting job performance. A 1000 mg/day dosage is not likely to have a big impact on your maleness, but might help relieve some gender anxiety.

Clara

[tanysquirrel]

ever hear of being 'dual spirited' ?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Two-Spirit.

know you are in good hands here. you will find encouragement without bias, as well as a straight forward approach in research and knowledgeable people.


perhaps 'omni-sexual' can be used as an expressive term, then again are labels necessary? you are a person who knows how to love that is all that matters.

[pom19]

ever hear of being 'dual spirited' ?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Two-Spirit.

know you are in good hands here. you will find encouragement without bias, as well as a straight forward approach in research and knowledgeable people.


perhaps 'omni-sexual' can be used as an expressive term, then again are labels necessary? you are a person who knows how to love that is all that matters.

======================================
Very interesting, thanks for posting this. POM

[tanysquirrel]

ever hear of being 'dual spirited' ?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Two-Spirit.

know you are in good hands here. you will find encouragement without bias, as well as a straight forward approach in research and knowledgeable people.


perhaps 'omni-sexual' can be used as an expressive term, then again are labels necessary? you are a person who knows how to love that is all that matters.

======================================
Very interesting, thanks for posting this. POM

my pleasure 'pom pom' *hugs* (heh sorry i am unusally sappy with emotions atm, almost euphoric ) i just wanna hug the world!