(01-12-2017, 06:50 PM)Katie Wrote: I`v been debating whether to share this here or not, as it`s Very personal, but as an excersize in Authenticity and Humility I decided that it`s worth it, as it May help someone else.
For me the Fracturing was a real thing, I had what could best be described as a nervous breakdown, after a booze
session (one of many I might add) my personality litteraly Split, there was Him and Her in one body, and Both
would take turns talking. i`d noticed in the run-up to this that there was often an internal dialogue between the
2 "sides" of this body. apparently, during one of his rants "he" had snarled "Shes going to chop my ****`s off and
kill me!". I have no recollection of this at all, and only know of it because my wife told me, and that when he
was drinking I couldn`t come through, "it shuts that F*****g B***h up!", oh yeah, and "if she`s allowed out, she`s going to get us both killed".
charming! LOL
Towards the end, a sort of awkward truce was arrived at, I would be allowed 1 year to take over and see what sort
of a mess I make of it and thus prove his point. "he" would back away and leave me to it entirely, and there would
be no chance of "him" bailing me out if I got into trouble!
Me... I said "deal!"
That was 2 years ago, and I`m still here!!!
what`s more is that He`s Not here, I can`t access him if I tried, he`s just Gone (in as much as he was ever really there?). it was like walking through a door and turning around and there door isn`t there anymore. And I`v never been happier in my entire life, a re-occuring nightmare that I`v had ever since I was little has also stopped!
I still have the note/letter he left me the last time he was here, and that`s the only real thing I have to Show that it was all real, that and what my wife tells me. it was like waking up from a Spell, and Now I`m Finally Free
It was certainly by far the most dramatic part of the entire healing process, but that survival mode and all those fears made manifest no longer have a place and don`t serve me anymore, and I`m pleased to say there`s only One voice now!
xx
Wow, I could have written most of that.........definitely a before point and an after point for me too. However, I still cant decide when that was exactly, as I cant recall a particular event or date I could pin it to, but I feel like I hadnt really lived before that point just existed......life isnt perfect still now but I think I can deal with things a lot better.
I just wish I had acted on what I knew many years ago though now.........
(01-12-2017, 06:35 PM)julieTG Wrote: okHAHA,
sorry got too ask ?
and Katie will go, ooooh dirty minded Julie x
now that you have balanced do you now or still get mr happy up and awake ?
Julie
x
I'm still on a PM regimen, and with my age Mr happy just watches me tie my shoes!
However the last time I took a herbal break I was surprised to see him making morning wood after about 2 weeks, so all was no lost.
The last time I serviced myself there was only clear liquid though.
Bobbi
I've never had a black/white moment, the edge has always been blurred, to the point of a continous graduated grey scale, for me.
I think I can relate to much of what Bobbi said, although in my case it is confused by being on and off PM at intervals. Most of my life I had a strange inability to do my 'male' hobby ( building small models) when x-dressed, which I could never understand. The last 2 or 3years before I retired I worked from home and could wear what I liked most days as long as my wife wasn't having one of her 'anti-Pansy' periods, but I started to find the male/female activity barrier was breaking down and to some extent the female side actually wanted to be 'allowed' to do male things. Since retiring 3 years ago I found it was often more convenient not to x-dress ( I could do the front garden without fear of being seen, for instance). A couple of months ago I had a one of those "chats with the wife" and she said she now accepts the female said of me and I can wear what I want at home. Since then I've worn a dress once, although I do wear a bra almost every day and heels with jeans most days. I've described it before as wearing what any woman might wear day-to-day at home. However I've been on E/PM for most of this period and I know that will have reduced the x-dress urge. I've been on nothing for the last week and I think I can just feel the urge re-emerging.
Dunno if this answers the question or not??
I think I can relate to much of what Bobbi said, although in my case it is confused by being on and off PM at intervals. Most of my life I had a strange inability to do my 'male' hobby ( building small models) when x-dressed, which I could never understand. The last 2 or 3years before I retired I worked from home and could wear what I liked most days as long as my wife wasn't having one of her 'anti-Pansy' periods, but I started to find the male/female activity barrier was breaking down and to some extent the female side actually wanted to be 'allowed' to do male things. Since retiring 3 years ago I found it was often more convenient not to x-dress ( I could do the front garden without fear of being seen, for instance). A couple of months ago I had a one of those "chats with the wife" and she said she now accepts the female said of me and I can wear what I want at home. Since then I've worn a dress once, although I do wear a bra almost every day and heels with jeans most days. I've described it before as wearing what any woman might wear day-to-day at home. However I've been on E/PM for most of this period and I know that will have reduced the x-dress urge. I've been on nothing for the last week and I think I can just feel the urge re-emerging.
Dunno if this answers the question or not??
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