Hey Julie!
It looks like I'm sitting on the fence with you again! Its nice to have good company!
When I first came out to my wife, I was awash with feelings of living life as a woman, dressing all the time, shaving my legs, buying pretty/sexy clothes, and dreaming of having breasts in my bra, instead of forms, exploring makeup and hair styles. All the wonderful feelings that an adolescent girl feels only with more knowledge about what the world has in store.
I found Breast Nexus, and and all you lovely people. I learned about hormones, herbs, HRT, massage, and all the other good stuff, tried many combinations and grew a nice but still small pair of breasts. (and continue with a PM routine)
I was yearning to do a make over, and would plan ways to escape for a week to enjoy it. It never happened and once I was free to do it, the yearning faded.
I think part of the thrill was pushing the limits of what one can get away with without getting caught. ie underdressing, wearing a bra but with a bulky shirt, growing boobs, but having to wear a compression shirt to hide them, a little mascara, a little lipstick, and playing in the women's department.
Now I am retired and can pretty much wear what I want and I find, like Julie, its not necessary to spend lots of time on make up and dressing when being a guy is the easier way to do the day.
I pretty much enjoy being the male mechanic during the day and having the freedom to move about the world in safe comfort. I can pee where I want, and fart at will. No one notices and life is simple, not lazy just simple.
In the evening I fully enjoy a nice shower, makeup and bra, and a simple sun dress (in season), or a pretty nightgown.
I have a closet full of beautiful dresses, tops, skirts, etc. Its just easier to be without all the fluff.
I guess when I look at my wife, she rarely does any more than mascara and eyeliner, and she is all woman. Why should I have to primp??
So there is a clear difference in the mental make up of a lot of us here, some know they are destined for transition, others are happy being most of the way there, others are two spirits, and others just want tits. I dont think there is a clear and constant one path for us all, but we all get along and help each other out, and its great that this is a place we can express our feelings thoughts and worries. We will all get to where we are supposed to be in the end.
And my SAGE says I need both of my genders i my life to be complete. Which is right on the money!
Bobbi