[PleasantlyFascinated]

Oddly, or not, I began having an interest in exploring my feminine side as a result of my intense passion for my wife.  

I found I had a lethal flaw in my personality, in that I could never let go of the fact she had been with guys other than me.  It made no difference she was truly faithful to our present relationship.  I increasingly found myself trying to reconcile my difficulty by imagining myself being in her role.  This led to a more erotic expression of my sexual needs than a purely loving one… wrong choice.  Fifteen years later, and after 12 years of ZERO sex life with her, I’ve remained committed to our relationship, and have explored solo what it might mean to find the woman i seek within me, rather than outside of me.  It has made me more understanding, more acquainted with what real love might be, and more complete as a human, rather than simply as “a man”, whatever that was supposed to mean to me.  I know it has made me more qualified to understand what a woman needs in love and sex, and it makes me snort to think of the clumsy, egotistical, childish idiots that run around out there with a pressure in their prostate they need to get rid of, but lacking any concept of the sacred aspect of love and sex.  I can now understand the animal passion of sex from either gender’s viewpoint, but even more so I clearly appreciate that what carries the day is the liquid light of untainted lovingness.  Makes small difference what gender you express, if you can realize that a loving heart may be what you truly seek in yourself and others.

[Drew]

<p>

Oddly, or not, I began having an interest in exploring my feminine side as a result of my intense passion for my wife.&nbsp;&nbsp;

I found I had a lethal flaw in my personality, in that I could never let go of the fact she had been with guys other than me.&nbsp; It made no difference she was truly faithful to our present relationship.&nbsp; I increasingly found myself trying to reconcile my difficulty by imagining myself being in her role.&nbsp; This led to a more erotic expression of my sexual needs than a purely loving one… wrong choice.&nbsp; Fifteen years later, and after 12 years of ZERO sex life with her, I’ve remained committed to our relationship, and have explored solo what it might mean to find the woman i seek within me, rather than outside of me.&nbsp; It has made me more understanding, more acquainted with what real love might be, and more complete as a human, rather than simply as “a man”, whatever that was supposed to mean to me.&nbsp; I know it has made me more qualified to understand what a woman needs in love and sex, and it makes me snort to think of the clumsy, egotistical, childish idiots that run around out there with a pressure in their prostate they need to get rid of, but lacking any concept of the sacred aspect of love and sex.&nbsp; I can now understand the animal passion of sex from either gender’s viewpoint, but even more so I clearly appreciate that what carries the day is the liquid light of untainted lovingness.&nbsp; Makes small difference what gender you express, if you can realize that a loving heart may be what you truly seek in yourself and others.

Am now wondering if that is a thing with people like us. Being in love but no sex? I met my wife in the 80s in London. Going way off topic now.....was in St James's park on my horse. Normally tourists aren't allowed to approach or talk to soldiers in ceremonial uniform but that year we did a thing where a couple of us would ride through the park to the palace where they could approach us. I looked great, even an ugly person looks great in that gear
Can't remember why but something was bothering me so dismounted my horse to take a look at her. Anyway there was this amazingly beautiful girl, arms open for a hug, well not going to miss this chance.
Very embarrassing it was meant for her sister behind me But the sister was great, said if you're giving out free hugs I'm up for it. Point is I gave her more than a hug as we ended up with 2 beautiful daughters, still we are very much in love and care for another immensely but no sex for about 10 years now. Neither of us have bothered to file for divorce, I have had a relationship she never knew about, thankfully but we spent quite a few years together with zero sex. Wondering if that's a thing?
She still doesn't know about my female side and can never even though we aren't together. I was always in the masculine role, still am, not a soldier anymore but still have to carry a gun at work so.....yeah very testosterone orientated lifestyle, would imagine it to be devestating for her and our girls to find out. But deeply loving a person and living together with zero sex for so many years? Just wondering if that is a theme here.
Really started to ramble there, expect am going to have to edit out most of this post later, especially the park stuff. Ppl come here to find out how to grow boobs not read soppy ramblings, but am genuinely interested if more people here are in love with their wife but have no sexual interest

[Drew]

Sod it! May just leave that post as is.....maybe. Suppose the point I'm intending to make with this thread is.
We all for some reason start this journey because we were born male but are obsessed with boobs and want our own, for whatever reason.
However pumping our bodies full of Estrogen does far more than grow boobs, there are other physical changes to the body that we may not expect or prefer to ignore as the main aim, BOOBS is the priority and the only thing that matters. But there WILL be other changes, believe me, there will!
For me, hips, bum, skinny limbs and an obsession to be skinny whatever the cost, even bolemia is not out of the question in the quest to feminise. (so very, very embarasingly ashamed to admit that but am dealing with it, kinda got it under control )
Alright sounds a bit extreme but the quest to just grow boobs becomes much, much more and the entire body becomes an obsession.
So yes the absolute goal is boobs which to be honest is not normal for a guy to want for himself so there is something else inside us that we have been surpressing our entire life. The estrogen may bring this to the surface, it did with me.......am happier now, but some of us may not be.
Well happier......yes in a way but in some ways not. Love what I have done to my body so far but am in no way finished but sometimes think was it all worth it? You will be getting far, far more than you bargained for, estrogen is powerful stuff and will reveal things you may not be comfortable with. Yeah I found the love of my life in a park in London. ..... kinda rejected that and lived for years without intimacy; makes me an aresehole....yeah that's what I am. Anyway this is all a bit of a pointless thread that nobody is actually interested about. Ppl are here to find out how to grow boobs or are visiting pervs who want to see pics of our tits. But estrogen will play with your emotions too so....
Be careful what you wish for.
G-nite

[PleasantlyFascinated]

I actually only EVER scan this website for threads such as yours.. and I scan it every day.  To me, it is tiresome and absolutely boring to hear about guys wanting boobs and only that.  I am interested in subtly feminizing my entire body.  I too am fairly obsessive about being thin and trim.  Did it never occur to anyone that you can express a female form without having developed mammaries?  I love my small waist.  It gives me the option of expressing as male or female, as my mood dictates.  I am fascinated by your story, and wish others would share as candidly as you do about what is, for me, the true pursuit in all of this:  understanding and actuating ourselves, becoming more perfected humans by becoming more complete beings.

[Drew]

Well you're far more articulated than I and your previous comments induced me to think very hard about my sexuality. Thanks for that.
Yeah it does seem ppl are obsessed with boob growth, but estrogen will do much more to you than that
Am candid and very open.....hope it doesn't offend or scare, but am sure it may.
Yeah im Drew (actually my real name) I have boobs, look at the pictures of them, BUT !!!!! They come at a cost which you may not be prepared to pay.

[PleasantlyFascinated]

This discussion comes at an interesting time, for me.  Today, I got to wondering, if I met myself, would I fall in love?  Who could qualify better, to provide what it is I want?  I certainly find my own body beautiful.  Would that be enough?

Why is this an interesting time for me?  A couple months ago, after 4252 consecutive days of being turned down by my wife, she was in the mood.  Some stars must have aligned, and It happened. It was as magical as when we met 37 years ago. A couple more times that week, and boom!  We’re back to the same status quo that took me 10 years to adjust to.  I’d thought I had been reunited with fulfillment, only to experience rejection revisited.  I’ve been questioning a lot of things since then.

With thinning, whitening hair and wrinkled face, she is no longer young.  Yet at times she can be imbued with the same feminine energy that transforms me into a stallion.  What is that?  Can I possess it?  Is it estrogen?  She has none.  I probably have more than she does.  Today, I came to the conclusion that I am drawn to a mysterious, magical power of possibility from the unknown, which ultimately is what women represent to me.  It is something that, when I am confronted with it, I want to possess.  Women find this annoying, because of course I then want to possess them.

I scan this blog regularly, wondering if it is peopled by wise souls who are challenging the boundaries of the binary world into which we’re born, and hoping, by reading their stories, to gain insight into my own confusing inclinations.  As is probably most appropriate, it happens that it is my somewhat tortured relationship with my wife that is pulling me into a new configuration.  Notwithstanding, I learn also from stories such as ;yours.

[Drew]

<p>

This discussion comes at an interesting time, for me.&nbsp; Today, I got to wondering, if I met myself, would I fall in love?&nbsp; Who could qualify better, to provide what it is I want?&nbsp; I certainly find my own body beautiful.&nbsp; Would that be enough?

Why is this an interesting time for me?&nbsp; A couple months ago, after 4252 consecutive days of being turned down by my wife, she was in the mood.&nbsp; Some stars must have aligned, and It happened. It was as magical as when we met 37 years ago. A couple more times that week, and boom!&nbsp; We’re back to the same status quo that took me 10 years to adjust to.&nbsp; I’d thought I had been reunited with fulfillment, only to experience rejection revisited.&nbsp; I’ve been questioning a lot of things since then.

With thinning, whitening hair and wrinkled face, she is no longer young.&nbsp; Yet at times she can be imbued with the same feminine energy that transforms me into a stallion.&nbsp; What is that?&nbsp; Can I possess it?&nbsp; Is it estrogen?&nbsp; She has none.&nbsp; I probably have more than she does.&nbsp; Today, I came to the conclusion that I am drawn to a mysterious, magical power of possibility from the unknown, which ultimately is what women represent to me.&nbsp; It is something that, when I am confronted with it, I want to possess.&nbsp; Women find this annoying, because of course I then want to possess them.

I scan this blog regularly, wondering if it is peopled by wise souls who are challenging the boundaries of the binary world into which we’re born, and hoping, by reading their stories, to gain insight into my own confusing inclinations.&nbsp; As is probably most appropriate, it happens that it is my somewhat tortured relationship with my wife that is pulling me into a new configuration.&nbsp; Notwithstanding, I learn also from stories such as ;yours.

Well there is far more to a relationship than sex, I would say the sex part is just a bonus but connecting in other ways is special.
I definitely would not fall in love with myself if I met me!
First I'm bitchy, get upset far too easily and can be hurtful at times. Also played with face app, got it to generate the female me face and was looking at a picture of my sister. Eeeeew, don't want to look like my sister.....she is pretty but don't want to be her.
Bitchy.....yeah. In fact as I was interviewing potential sexual candidates to take my virginity.......yes kinda interveiwing, sounds awful but wanted it to be special. After a couple of dates/meets a guy told me "I have met a lot of people in my life but you are by far the most complicated, high maintenance person I have ever met" Needless to say he didn't get into my knickers decided to go for an idiot instead.

At times I think I would like to be abducted by aliens who want to perform unnecessary/exploratory surgery on me so I could say "just a small request, if you have the technology to make me 30 years younger and female that would be lovely"
In fact no my comment was banal, sex isn't a bonus, the physical intimacy is ofc important to a relationship.
Thinking back even though I wasn't attracted to the guy I became physically intimate with there was still a special bond.....of sort.

[Drew]

<p>

Drew - I recognize the feelings you describe. &nbsp; Sometimes after sex with men I've felt down, used, and one one occasion cried. &nbsp; But during the relationship that really worked I remember a feeling of elation leaving the hotel in the morning, knowing I'd done something special for him and feeling very good about what he'd done for me and still feeling the reminder of it in my insides. &nbsp; But even with that particular guy I sometimes felt like a f*ck-toy being used when it suited him. &nbsp; And it was a real downer once when he sent me a text about arrangements to meet, which was a surprise as they were sent by accident to my phone number instead of the guy he was two-timing me with! &nbsp; But we sometimes have to swallow our pride as well as the other stuff.&nbsp;
I'm not proud that I was dishonouring my wife while carrying on the gay relationship.&nbsp; Rightly or wrongly the sex with my wife improved while I was fulfilling the woman-role for my male partner. &nbsp; I think because it made me more aware of what a woman needs from sex.&nbsp;
So if you're wondering what label to put on yourself - forget it - you can have more roles than one.
<img src="https://www.breastnexum.com/images/smilies/smile.gif" data-sceditor-emoticon="" alt="" title=""> Adrian

Oh crap ariadne that's more than slightly disturbing. The feeling of being used, a personal toy, kinda demeaning but being cheated on too. That's awful.
Personally I would have done my best to try and bite it off.
I have no idea how to go on, will I just be a sex toy or is there possibly a person there who.......idk?
Myself I have only had the one and yes I did sorta feel as if I were just his toy to play with at times.
Until I broke it off...has convinced himself that I did that because I have somebody else so now have the constant mails and stalking to deal with. So it seems he did have feelings, or just the need for sex or owning me????
But yeah get you sorta, I need it too and am desperate to let him back in my bed, but he crossed a line and did something unforgivable so is sadly over.